Tag Archives: sex toy

Purple Worm

♦ Gosh, it’s been a while since I’ve participated in Toy With Me Tuesday, hasn’t it? I love good pictures of good sex toys and I have plenty lying around that I’d love to post as well as ideas for several more in my head. But I have, you may be surprised to learn, a relaxed schedule for this blog and whilst that includes minimum posts per time (ideally one a week, one a fortnight as an absolute low if I can’t help it), it also includes maximum posts per time. Whilst I don’t have a set number for this, I start to feel a little spammy if I post more than 2-3 times a week. I know I don’t have the time to read blog posts that regularly, so why should I assume that others do?

So I don’t join in every week, or even every other week, with memes because there are so many that I like that I’d soon end up with posts on Tuesday, Wednesday and Sunday alone without even considering any of my posts that don’t fit into memes. And I certainly don’t want this blog to become just memes (not that there’s anything wrong with that). But I should start contributing more to them here and there, so here’s a little picture for TWMT.

Purple Wurm

I couldn’t call this anything other than “Purple Worm”. The Tantus Purr is almost segmented just like a worm, curves like a worm and its colour, Purple Haze, is undeniably in the lilac camp of Team Purple. Even the background is a purple glitter paradise and I love the contrast between the sharp, in focus glitter in the foreground and the blurry bokeh at the back.

Of course, as a massive geek, Purple Worm is a phrase that brings an entirely different image than this one to mind.

D&D Purple WormYes, rather than an incredibly good textured dildo that I for some reason compared to Rattata, the thing that leaps into my head (dear God, I hope not literally) is the 80 feet long, 40,000lb, entirely made-up Dungeons & Dragons monster. Does that seem like something I want to put near my vagina? Let me quote, “In battle, a purple worm forms into a coil 20 feet in diameter, biting and stinging anything within reach.” So… NOPE.

Luckily, while the D&D Purple Worm has an attack which swallows you whole, this purple worm is instead often subject to an attack that swallows it whole… Ladies. Dear God, why do they let me have a blog again? ♦

Toy with me Tuesday

Review – LELO Gigi 2

LELO Gigi 2

Disclaimer: I was provided with a free Gigi 2 by LELO in exchange for my honest review. Click any image to embiggen.

♦ The Gigi 2 is a luxury G-spot vibrator made by high-end toymakers LELO, touted as an update of “arguably the most positively reviewed Pleasure Object ever created”. Pleasure Object aside, it’s true that the Gigi 2 is, rather obviously, an update to the Gigi, a toy which I’ve sadly never tried.

LELO Gigi 2 PackagingThe outer packaging of the Gigi 2 is a cardboard box, white on one side with pictures, contents and product blurb. The other sides are the colour of your toy. Inside this is a thick, matte black cardboard box with your Gigi 2 nestled in a velvety cut-out. In a compartment at the end of the box you’ll find the charger, a sachet of LELO lube, a user booklet, an authenticity card and a black satin pouch (which I’ve already lost).

For the Gigi 2 itself, well mine is a lovely vivid electric blue, but it also comes in three other colours: a subtle light grey and the usual pastel pink and magenta. From the coloured silicone, the toy is separated from the white plastic handle by a silver plastic ring or band. Aesthetically I prefer the bandless Mona 2, but that’s up to personal taste.

It’s rechargeable (and keeps charge very well), it’s waterproof, it comes with a travel lock (important for rechargeables) and, being silicone and hard plastic, it’s body-safe and non-porous.

The Gigi 2‘s silicone is essentially a layer over a solid form, meaning that it not only feels incredibly silky and non-draggy (LELO silicone is great), but is also very inflexible. This, for me at least, is important when it comes to clitoral stimulation (I like pressure), but especially so for G-spot stimulation (pressure is one of the major ways that works). And since G-spot orgasms tend to involve a lot of bucking about for me, a solid toy is excellent.

The Gigi 2 is fantastically shaped with a wonderful G-spot curve that makes it almost effortless for me to come that way. Really, sure, if I want a better orgasm, it’s a little more effort, but it feels absolutely great just with lazy penetration. Shape-wise, it’s basically like a smaller (and weaker) PicoBong Moka (made by their own subsidiary) or a vibrating LELO Ella dildo, with that perfect G-spot shape. When I tried to compare them in terms of G-spottiness (technical term), I couldn’t really pick a winner. Just going to have to do more tests!

LELO Gigi 2 SizeFor the size, as I say, it’s smaller than the Moka and it’s shorter, though slightly bulkier, than the Ella. It’s slightly less than an inch in diameter at the narrow neck and only a little bigger at the base of the insertable section.

It’s about 6.5″ long, of which a measly 3.5″ (down to the silver band) is insertable. That’s not too bad if all you’re trying to reach is the usually-not-far-in G-spot, but it leaves only 3″ for the handle and this poses problems.

Its modest size, means there’s almost nothing to grip onto when you’re using it internally. Externally is fine (I’m used to my We-Vibe Tango as a favourite toy, after all), but it practically disappears inside you for G-spot use. And since I like my pressure and my angles, good grip is important.

The control pad on the Gigi 2 is rather awkwardly placed for that too, it’s almost exactly where I want to press for G-spot pressure (unlike the side buttons of the Moka). I don’t know why I don’t have this problem so much with the Mona 2, which has its buttons in the same place, but I’m guessing it’s because the far bigger handle allows me a better grip that doesn’t make so much use of that area .

The control pad is also pretty cramped. Instead of having four wholly separate buttons (again, like the Mona 2), the Gigi 2 has an iPod-style control wheel type interface, which is just less easy to use in the heat of things. Heck, I sometimes even have trouble turning it off AFTER the heat of things. It isn’t *horrible*, but then I see it sitting next to the Mona 2

Yes, this is going to be a theme.

One of the things that does make it perhaps a superior sex toy for certain purposes is its broad, flat head. Whilst I prefer pinpoint stimulation for my clit, what really counts is the pressure and solid broad head vibrators come a close second. More importantly, the head is, at least to me, just better for G-spot stimulation than anything rounded or pointed or what have you.

LELO Gigi 2 Shape

If you’re keen on vibrations on your G-spot (and if you’re not, I’m not sure why you wouldn’t just buy a dildo, like the Ella), you’re going to probably be a little disappointed with the Gigi 2. Heck, if you’re using it on your clitoris, you might be a little disappointed too: it’s just not that powerful. LELO claims to have made it 100% more powerful than its first incarnation, but I haven’t tried that so I can’t comment. What I can say is that it’s… wait for it… not nearly as powerful as the Mona 2. Or even the battery-powered PicoBong Moka!

It’s… fine? Fairly decent? If you’re keen on power, this likely won’t be enough. For most people, well, it’s probably OK. The highest setting will get me off clitorally, but it will also leave me wanting more. Since I don’t need G-spot vibration to make a G-spot orgasm, I didn’t mind that the vibrations were a little pathetic internally. I can only assume they didn’t put the superior motor of the Mona 2 and Ina 2 into the Gigi 2 because of space constraints, but considering the handle is too small anyway, that just makes the size issue even more vexing.

So, the strength is decent but not stellar, but what about the vibration modes? Well, the Gigi 2 has a fair few of them eight in total (including steady vibration), and they’re a good variety. There are pulses of varying speeds, ramps (weak to strong, repeated), two  type of hills/rollercoasters (weak to strong to weak, repeated) and a crazy random everything-goes mode which PicoBong would call “Bumper Cars”, but which LELO neglects to name.

And it’s quiet too. Very, very quiet indeed. Even on full whack, the Gigi 2 sounds a bit like a phone on vibrate. On the lower settings, you probably wouldn’t even notice it was on in the same room. It’s certainly quieter than my computer.


LELO have made a toy that is fine. Even decent, good. Honestly, when you look at some of the things I review, this is a good toy. It’s just not fabulous. It’s body-safe, which is very important, but that’s not so much ” a plus” as “not a slapped wrist and a rant”. It’s rechargeable and waterproof. It’s very pretty and comes in some good colours and in lovely packaging that’s great for gifting. Where it does well, the shape of the toy, especially for use on the G-spot, it does incredibly well. I love the shape.

The size would not be a problem for me if I only I had something to hold on to. It needs a longer handle. We may disagree on whether it needs more length or girth inside. It needs better controls, though the ones it has aren’t terrible on their own. It needs more vroom. It is not keeping up with the rest of its extended family on that front.

And that’s just it, really, isn’t it? Mona, and even Moka, have just ruined me for the Gigi. Big sister Mona 2 is stronger, bigger, perhaps even more beautiful, and easier to manipulate. All the Gigi 2 has over it is its shape. Cousin Moka is also bigger and stronger, though not itself nearly as strong as the Mona 2, but it comes from a different family: cheaper but also non-rechargeable. It has an appetite for batteries. And if you were never really in it for the vibrations, but just that glorious shape, there’s little sister Ella too. Still small, but easier to handle and ultimately uncomplicated.

Again, this is a good toy, but £79 is a fair whack. For that, you should get a fair whack. And I’m just not sure the Gigi 2 ultimately provides it. But if the shape is important and you need vibrations, but not the strongest ever, and you want a rechargeable toy, well, Gigi 2 it is. And if that is you, you can get it here. ♦

Review – Tantus Cush O2 Dildo

Tantus Cush O2

Disclaimer: I was provided with a free Tantus Cush O2 by Tantus in exchange for my honest review. Click pictures to embiggen.

♦ The Cush O2 by Tantus is a large dildo made from Tantus’ O2 silicone, meaning it features dual densities of silicone. The supersoft white silicone forms a squishy layer over the firm density blue (in my case, as I have the Ice colour option, rather than purple Twilight or pink candy), providing varying sensations, especially around this toy’s prominent second ridge.

Tantus Cush PackagingThe packaging is the standard Tantus fare: lovely and eye-catching to look at, simple, non-tacky yet also not overly discreet (what with being see-through). It sadly doesn’t always hold up well to being used for storage and may split. I tend to keep my Tantus dildos in storage bags as they pick up dust and lint very easily. Don’t worry about storing them together, they’re super-safe.

As I say, you can get your Tantus Cush O2 in one of three colours, but I absolutely love my Ice one. It’s a gorgeous, ethereal blue and white combination that looks a little like liquid nitrogen over a deep pond. The effect is thanks to the aforementioned O2 dual-layer silicone: where the top layer is thinner, such as just below the toy’s second ridge, the blue comes through more. It really does look icy.

Tantus Cush SizeIt also has an interesting look in terms of shape: somewhere between realism (with the head of the dildo) and non-representational (the simple shape and added ridge). Size-wise, the Tantus Cush O2 is very long and girthy, certainly one for the Size Lovers.

The Tantus Cush O2 is just under 8″ long with just over 7″ insertable, 1.8″ diameter on the shaft and around 1.9″ on the widest part of the (admittedly squishy) head.

I certainly needed a warm up on every occasion (and yet I didn’t always with the Tantus Max O2, which is actually bigger. Is it the Cush or am I losing my touch? I’ve decided it’s probably neither but very well might be the effects of stress on my body). I also needed a healthy dollop of lubricant. On the first few times I tried it, it felt uncomfortable even with other toys beforehand, but I think that’s down to me not quite getting myself in the mood as much as I should have. Recently I’ve given it a go and, in a better mood and having got used to the toy, it’s felt wonderfully comfortable very quickly and stayed that way even after I’m done. No soreness, no “I’ve pushed myself a bit far”.

Coupled with its size, it’s also a very firm dildo in terms of flexibility, with very little give. It stands up dead straight on its base with no support. You can bend it, but it takes two hands and a fair bit of effort.

What helps with the size and relatively unbending nature of the Tantus Cush is that it’s O2 silicone: it’s got a hard core but a gloriously squishy outer layer. OK, so the matte texture gives it a fair bit of drag, but the squishiness more than compensates for any problems that might cause. In the case of the Cush, the dildo gets squishier the nearer the bulbous tip it gets. In fact, I’d say at least the top inch is all squish (which serves to make insertion easier than it otherwise would be) and is therefore much gentler than its rather pointy shape would suggest.

Tantus Cush Tip

The only places where you may find the shape a little troublesome are the ridges. Or in all likeliness, like me, you might find them incredibly stimulating instead! The Tantus Cush O2 has two ridges, one where you might expect at the base of the head (the corona) and one pronounced one that starts about three inches from the base of the shaft on the top. Neither of these ridges affect the bottom side of the shaft, which is very smooth.

Tantus Cush RidgeThese two ridges really stimulate the front vaginal wall and can even pleasure the G-spot (not everything has to be curved to hit it!). They do for mine. Since both the ridges are made from the supersoft material, they’re much more forgiving than they look and make you feel wonderful rather than catching horribly.

In fact, the Tantus Cush O2 is so good at stimulating me, I found I only really needed very small movements to feel absolutely amazing. It was very easy to come. and you don’t need to pound away, which is probably good considering the size.


The Tantus Cush O2 is a fantastic toy from a fantastic company that makes fantastic products. There is really only about one thing I could think of that could make it unsuitable for someone and that is the size. It’s big. It’s not for everyone. If you can’t see yourself coping with a girthy toy like this, try something else Tantus makes. The Tantus Flurry O2, for example, is the same length, material and colour range and features two ridges, but is only 1.5″ in diameter.

If you can see yourself working up to this girth, or you’re already a full-on Size Lover, then I think you’ll love this toy. It’s got all the usual Tantus qualities of being absolutely body-safe, sterilisable, non-porous and made of 100% high-quality platinum O2 silicone. It’s anal-safe, if you’re bold, and harness-compatible thanks to its flared base. It’s big and firm, but with a lovely layer of squish on top. And, most of all, it has those two fantastic ridges, particularly the second one, which rub the front walls of your vagina and stimulate your G-spot (or at least mine) with the slightest effort.

What’s more, it’s beautiful, too. So I’d suggest you rush out (well, online) right now and buy the Cush O2 from the lovely guys at Tantus. You deserve it. ♦

Review – Fetish Fantasy Spandex Full-Face Hood

Fetish Fantasy Spandex Full-Face Hood

Disclaimer: I was provided with a free Fetish Fantasy Spandex Full-Face Hood by Temptations Direct in exchange for my honest review. Click any image to embiggen.

♦ The Fetish Fantasy Spandex Full-Face Hood is a bondage accessory in Pipedream’s notorious and oft ridiculous Fetish Fantasy line.  It’ll be another short review for providers Temptations Direct, as there really isn’t much to say about an item this basic.

I’ve been curious about picking up a hood which obscures my face for a while now as I can’t help thinking it’d be easier to take pictures of myself with a covered face. The Spandex Full-Face Hood seemed to fit that bill and, since I like to be blindfolded and restrained, I thought it could be fun in those ways too. Yeah, it wasn’t, but let me get to that.

Spandex Full-Face Hood Packaging

The box is just what you come to expect from Fetish Fantasy, though is probably on the less porny end of their scale, though that doesn’t say a lot.

Inside you find the hood itself and a… Wait, what?

No Free Mask? Hallelujah!

As you might expect, the Spandex Full-Face Hood covers not only the head but the face as well; it’s described as “one size fits most” and fit me and Crush just fine. It stretches nicely and is neither too tight or too loose. It has plenty of room around the neck so it doesn’t feel strangly, but it could perhaps come down a little longer in the neck.

Seam of the Spandex Full-Face HoodCrush found that it wasn’t all that comfortable to wear, but admitted that that may be because it’s a hood as opposed to this hood, though. He’s certainly more fussy than I am, as I found it fairly comfortable in general, but we did both agree on hating one thing. Although, the hood is shaped slightly, with a bulge at the front where the face goes, for extra comfort, this means that the seam runs down the centre of the hood from front to back. And it’s really annoying. It’s either dead centre on your face, which feels quite forced, or it sits slightly to one side, which is still quite irritating and now it also looks irritating too. You can even see it from the inside while you’re wearing it, which makes perfectionists liable to keep fiddling to get it centred.

The Spandex Full-Face Hood is very lightweight and therefore incredibly easy to breathe through and hear through, but sadly also to see through. The box states that it allows “just a hint of light in while impairing vision”, but that’s nonsense. Oh, sure, you’re not 20/20 with the hood on, but you can basically see everything. How many fingers am I holding up? Check. Reading? Check.

Fuck, I could even play Saints Row: The Third (my current fave) with it on. So I did. And it was fine. Here’s your proof:

That’s me driving through da ‘hood in a hood. And getting Near Misses to boost my Respect. And not hitting a single damn thing. I then went on to do a full story mission in while wearing the Spandex Full-Face Hood and then take a video of me precision head-shotting pedestrians, as you do. All, supposedly, with impaired vision and just a hint of light.

Yeah, no, there’s no way I should be able to play a high-speed video game while wearing a bondage hood or anything claiming to impair vision. It’s like you’re wearing slightly shit sunglasses. Weirdly, this is one Fetish Fantasy product that actually could have done with the crappy Free Mask they usually bundle in! Then you might have a chance of actually “impairing vision”.

One plus point is that the Spandex Full-Face Hood at least looks the part. It’s a slightly glossy fabric which does look good on the wearer, smoothing their shape and rendering them anonymous. Want that anonymous hostage look? The gimp aesthetic? It does look the part and it stops you identifying the wearer, it just doesn’t stop them seeing out.

Wearing the Spandex Full-Face Hood


The Fetish Fantasy Spandex Full-Face Hood really varies depending on what you want from it. I got it for the anonymising aspect, sure, but I really expected the blindfold aspect too, so I’m disappointed by it. I should not be getting a hood I can play video games through. Especially for nearly twenty quid.

If you want something that obscures a person’s face, it does that whilst being comfy and breathable for the wearer, so go get it. If you want something that restricts the wearer’s vision, look elsewhere, despite what it says on the box. ♦

State Alchemist

♦ OK, so if I had a Vixen Creations Mustang, this picture would be even better, what with the gloves in the picture belonging to a character called Mustang, but as it is, I still really love the Tantus Adam in this shot. Not the best shot in terms of technical quality, as it was taken on my phone, but you’ve got to admit that dildos and anime gloves are not a combination you see every Toy With Me Tuesday.

State Alchemist and Tantus Adam

Let me explain. There’s no other Godly reason for these toy things to be in a photo together other than I took this just after I got both of them and I was very, very happy with them both. I say “got”, I made those gloves. Or at least I bought some white gloves and drew the design onto them. The design is the one from Flame Alchemist Roy Mustang’s gloves in Fullmetal Alchemist, which is a really awesome anime series. And Roy is a really awesome, and very sexy, character too. He’s a State Alchemist, hence the title.

In fact, he’s the second character I have a crush on called Roy, which is a really unsexy name, I feel. If you’re wondering, the other is Roy Greenhilt from Order of the Stick. Yes, he’s a stick man and, yes, he’s still sexy.

Anyway, what’s also sexy is the Tantus Adam. It might be weird to say a dildo is sexy, as such, but have you seen this thing? It is beautiful. When I first got it out of the box I just gazed at it and turned it over in my hands. For a day or so, it was too gorgeous to fuck. I wanted to treat myself. When I did, it was glorious. It’s smooth and well-shaped and the O2 texture is wonderfully squishy-firm.

Many of the dildos I have are awesome or pretty or cool, but this is still one of the most actually beautiful dildos I own. And not because it’s rainbow polka-dotted or awesomely zombielicious or delicately blue-and-white. It’s simple, it probably shouldn’t amount to much in the looks department, but Tantus have got this thing down to a fine art.

An art like alchemy? Tenuous segue is tenuous! In any case, I took this photo a while back, but I hope you guys still like it! What TV series or film would you, oddly, pair up with what sex toy? ♦

Toy with me Tuesday

Love Without Your Heartbeat

Live without the sunlight
Love without your heartbeat
I, I can’t live within you

Nymphomaniac Ness told me some time ago that I should use this picture of the Phallix Glass Love Pacifier dildo for Toy With Me Tuesday and I figured what better time to honour her request than the first birthday of TWMT itself!

So, before I just go right ahead and tell you, can anyone tell me what the title of this post and the quote at the top are all about?

Phallix Glass Love Pacifier

I move the stars for no one.

If you said they’re quotes from Labyrinth, you’re right! If you specifically knew they’re from the song (“Within You”) that plays during the scene with the messed up, Escher-esque stairways, well that’s why I used those quotes for this picture.

The poster in the background of my picture isn’t from the Labyrinth and isn’t Escher either, but it’s very similar in style to them both: strange perspectives, non-Euclidean geometry, stairs that go to ceilings that are walls and floors…

I really wanted to emphasise the clear and reflective beauty of the glass of the Love Pacifier sex toy for this shot, so I placed it on a very clean mirror with the poster folded down to make a convincing fantasy landscape reflection as a background. I think it suits the Labyrinth and works quite well!

What do you think? ♦

Toy with me Tuesday

Review – Jimmyjane Hello Touch

Jimmyjane Hello Touch fingertip vibrator

Disclaimer: I was provided with a free Jimmyjane Hello Touch by Lovehoney in exchange for my honest opinion. Click any image to embiggen.

♦ The Jimmyjane Hello Touch, sold by Lovehoney, is the latest “hot new thing” from sex toy hipsters and bouncy-castle-mongers Jimmyjane. Now, you’ll notice that’s a fairly loaded sentence, so I’ll be honest with you: I asked to test the Hello Touch half because I considered that it might have genuine potential and half because I really hoped that it didn’t.

Spoiler alert: It doesn’t. It’s awful, but I suggest you read the rest of this review to find out why, just in case you and I disagree. And because it should be funny.

Jimmyjane Hello Touch Packaging

So, the Hello Touch is a fingertip vibrator comprised of a slim control box, which rests in a stretchy grey wristband, and two vibrating silicone fingerpads attached by a Y-shaped wire to said control box. It comes in a matte box which looks like it was designed by Apple, but still has quite a lot of information on it, even if some of it is lies (“intuitive interface”, “powerful”). There is supposedly more information in the manual, but I found it a bit sparse as it was solely pictorial.

Jimmyjane Hello Touch Manual instructionsThe two of us followed the instructions in the manual to insert the batteries for the first time and we were completely lost. It took us about five minutes to actually manage it and neither of us are exactly stupid.

It probably didn’t help that the Hello Touch runs on AAAAs. Yes, quadruple. What even are those? I’d never heard of them. At least they’re included, because they’re hard to find and not cheap.

Jimmyjane Hello Touch ContentsThe plastic insert in the box that holds both the manuals and the toy is a bit naff, and I wouldn’t use it for storage. Luckily, the Hello Touch comes with a black fabric case for the toy and that would be quite nice if it had another popper to actually keep it closed. As it is, it’s just lopsided and silly and not as secure as I’d like.

It doesn’t need to really be secure, though, because even if you leave the batteries in the Hello Touch, one thing that’s really not going to happen is it turning on by itself. This is because it’s hard enough to actually get it to do that when you’re trying. The buttons on the controller are very unresponsive, leaving me to often have to remove the controller from my wrist to use it. This is not helped by the fact that for some unfathomably stupid reason (likely aesthetics) the buttons aren’t labelled. So without instinctively remembering which is which, you’re not even sure you’re hammering on the right one. I constantly forget which is which.

Hello Touch ControllerTo make it even more frustrating and poorly designed, there are THREE circles printed onto the grey wristband, but only TWO actual buttons on the controller. That middle “button” is just a useless circle that does nothing other than toy with you.

So, in Jimmyjane’s dream, sometimes a circle means a button and at other times it means bugger all. Because that’s an “intuitive interface”.

“Why are there only two buttons anyway?” You may ask. Because this £45 vibrator has only one speed. ONLY ONE SPEED. That’d be awful for that much money even if that speed wasn’t pathetically weak and buzzy, which it is. The problem is that what vibration there is is significantly dampened by the simple act of actually wearing the fingerpads and touching something. I’m not even sure if I care that the Hello Touch is on. The first time I tried it, I got to my orgasm eventually, but I had to give in and warm up with something better first. On subsequent occasions, I’ve just got bored before I come. I like a bit of power, but I’m not actually all that hard to make come and I certainly don’t often get too bored to orgasm.

As I say, the wearing of the fingerpads suppresses the vibration and actually makes my fingers vibrate more than my clit. If you hate vibrations on your fingers, you’ll hate this. Crush (who hates vibration of all kinds) reckons he could just about stand it if he HAD to and it felt weird even to me. You definitely can’t do Jimmyjane’s suggestion of wearing the Hello Touch on the back of your fingers and turning your fingers into vibrators, as that makes the vibrations even weaker. My clitoris just can’t feel it and the rest of me just doesn’t care. Plus, the silicone straps of the fingerpads get in the way of that idea.

Jimmyjane Hello Touch Fingertips

At first, it seems nice to have the vibrations of the Hello Touch follow your fingers (and if the concept worked well, I think I’d really like it) until you realise it doesn’t live up to the concept. You spend most of your time readjusting the pads when they fall half-off your fingertips or they start not sitting right. I found I really wanted my fingertip vibrator to actually sit on the tips of my fingers as much as possible, as opposed to halfway down the pad of the finger. It’s just so unergonomic and the pads are so bulky. I didn’t have space for both pads on my clitoris, especially not if I wanted to move them, and it was very awkward.

To make matters worse, the pad I was using then fell half-off as I came. Which is just not what you want.

Jimmyjane also states that “HELLO TOUCH is the smallest fingertip vibrator available, and the only one optimized for both internal and clitoral stimulation”, but when I tried internal G-spot stimulation, I found the device itself got right in my way. And then one of the pads came off my finger whilst inside me and I had to pull it out like a tampon. Ugh. That is certainly the mental image I want to associate with my orgasm. My juices got all over the pads and pad-straps, including in between the vibrating pod and its holder itself, making it a bitch to clean.

If you think Jimmyjane recommending G-spot use and the pads falling off is bad, check this out: Jimmyjane specifically suggests you put these things up your arse.

Hello Touch Pad RemovedYes, really. They think you can, and should, try anal with these things. That’s just not safe.

That little silicone finger pad that holds the vibrating pod is not actually attached to anything at all. It could easily come off inside your rectum, especially with the obvious addition of lube and rubbing.

You could lose those inside your ass, especially when you consider that the whole thing came off my finger easily in my vagina and all I had were the wires to pull it out. In the arse, one pull like that could lose the silicone finger-straps. Please don’t try this and shame on Jimmyjane for suggesting it.

So, it’s weak and the fingerpads are too bulky for tight spots, come off too easily and are not exactly fun to wear, but at least the wristband itself is OK. It’s about the only part of the Hello Touch that’s comfortable and it’s fairly generously sized without being too baggy. It fits me easily and comfortably, and I’m quite overweight, but it’s not too loose on Crush’s skinnier wrists either. I also quite like the futuristic grey, although that aesthetic is largely ruined by the ugly stitching.

Wearing the Hello Touch


The Jimmyjane Hello Touch is a seriously bad toy and an expensive puff of nothing. Its “intuitive interface” is not only unresponsive but also very poorly designed, its “ultra-compact” fingerpads are not comfy, ergonomic or easy to use and keep where you want them. Not only that, the Hello Touch might work OK for gentle caressing and touch, if you like things really gentle (and a bit androidy), but it sure as hell doesn’t work for use on or in the female genitals. I couldn’t try it on Crush, because he hates vibration, but I can’t imagine the finger pads would stay on well during a hand job. And God forbid you put it up your butt.

All that I could forgive if it at least felt good. But it’s buzzy and weak and I cannot believe that the Hello Touch experience was essentially so tedious and pathetic that I got bored of wanking. It’s touted as powerful, but I can tense my arm until my fingers shake and I’m pretty certain I’m a more powerful vibrator than the Hello Touch. ♦

Review – Love Bites Chenille Vampire Gloves

Love Bites Chenille Vampire Gloves

Disclaimer: I was provided with a free pair of Love Bites chenille vampire gloves by creator Phyllis Serene in return for my honest review. Click any picture to embiggen.

Love Bites vampire gloves, created by Phyllis Serene, appear at first to be ordinary chenille gloves. However, on closer inspection the underside of the gloves are covered in tiny, spiky, metal protrusions on the palm and fingers.

Love Bites chenille vampire gloves InteriorThey are actually constructed using brass-coloured studs, each with four spikes, pressed into the fabric of the glove from the inside and then carefully glued into place.

You can feel these stud backs when wearing the gloves, which may be annoying for some, but neither I or Crush actually minded that at all.

They also easily and comfortably fit both me (a girl with quite small hands, so I’m constantly told) and Crush (a guy with very long hands).

Love Bites chenille vampire gloves Fit

Top: My hand. Bottom: Crush’s hands.

So, appearance-wise my Love Bites are a pair of black chenille gloves with spikes you won’t necessarily notice at first glance. I honestly have not touched chenille since I was about 14 and it seriously brings back childhood memories. I remember brightly-coloured chenille jumpers really being the rage for about a year. I had two chunky blue ones.

It was, now that I think back, pretty terrible. But this is a more subtle colour (plus, not a jumper) and the fabric choice is actually great for sensation play. More on that later. For those who don’t get on with chenille, Love Bites vampire gloves also come in “basic knit”, “fuzzy yarn knit”, velour and lace.

The vampire gloves also feature an adorable heart button near the cuff. Despite this, I’d say the gloves are fairly unisex (and also if you’re put off by them not being manly or girly enough for you, I think you’re probably an idiot anyway). Personally I think they are a bit less sexy and fashionable than leather vampire gloves, but that doesn’t really rate as an issue for me. They’re definitely discreet and pretty inoffensive in look.

Speaking of inoffensive, Love Bites are also completely suitable for vegans, unlike leather vampire gloves. I’m not a vegan, but I know vegan-friendly kink can be difficult, so it’s lucky these exist!

Love Bites chenille vampire gloves Label

The Love Bites came with a label attached and in a sealed clear plastic bag. The label serves to market the toy, but also comes with a lot of useful information. The back contains care instructions, the type and price, some key info and a link for further details.

I’ve wanted to own my very own vampire gloves for quite some time now as they look amazing.

I’ve seen and handled leather vampire gloves (such as those by KinkLab) before, but they’ve always put me off for two reasons: one, they’re difficult to clean and, two, they’re very pricey. These are gloves that get swished around hot skin a lot, you’re going to want to clean them easily and well. But Love Bites can be easily hand-washed or even put into the washing machine (inside out to avoid destroying other items) on cold and left to air dry (heat will destroy the glue).

More importantly, the chenille version are also only $22 a pair (around £14.50, with about £6.50 shipping to the UK), which is much, much cheaper than the harder-to-care-for leather gloves made by big companies (KinkLab’s are from £35). And you’re supporting a great little company and business woman making these by hand. If you want something even lower in price, the basic knit version is $2 cheaper than the chenille.

In yet another triumph over leather vampire gloves, Love Bites have vampire spikes on both the fingers and the palm, unlike the measly KinkLab gloves which cover just the fingers. I mean, really. All that money for a few pesky finger points? Seriously? The Love Bites chenille vampire gloves are much more generous with their (cheaper) bitey, spiky goodness.

Love Bites chenille vampire gloves Spikes


Love Bites chenille vampire gloves are a fantastic pair of vampire gloves with a variety of both kinky and not-so-kinky uses. The spiky side can be used sensuously for sensation play, a light tickling of the spikes is lovely and teasing, or more roughly for tapping, scratching, spanking and a bit of welcome pain. The unspiked chenille side is fantastically soft and sensuous in itself and feels great alternated with the spikes, used to wake up the nerves of the skin before bringing in the vampire side or used as a spanking cool-down. The fact that you can alternate sides as you wish makes the gloves very versatile and it’s great fun to switch from furry to grr-y play.

The spiked studs themselves are pretty sharp and pointy if you press down on them with your thumb, for example, but with them evenly placed all over the surface of the vampire glove, the pressure is easily spread so that you actually have to try very hard to break the skin. In fact, we only really managed to break any skin and draw the mildest amount of blood by having Crush spank my arse nearly as hard as he could with them. Which, incidentally, quite hurt! I definitely recommend Love Bites for adding something a bit different and intense to your spanking sessions.

But worry not, with light play, it’s very likely that you won’t leave any marks at all. At worst, you could come away with  the red lines you can get from scratching hard with sharp fingernails and those should soon fade. Indeed, you really can scratch and scrape the skin quite happily with these vampire gloves, as well as being softer and brushing or tickling or caressing.

Love Bites feel absolutely amazing in use. My particular favourite areas to have “vamped” are the base of my neck and the small of my back, which, when stroked with the Love Bites, produce the most wonderful, unique fizzing and tingling sensations. They are glorious and hard to describe, but they make me wriggle and giggle and purr like a kitten. Other fantastic areas for these are the bum cheeks, other parts of my back and shoulders, the breasts (take care around the sensitive nipples, for good or ill), arms and thighs. With sensations from outright pain to soft tingle, there’s bound to be something you’ll like.

They also really, really work on completely obliterating any pesky itches you many have. Seriously. They destroy them. In my eyes, that makes them a damn utility item!

For the wielder (yes), we both found the Love Bites vampire gloves fairly easy to put on and take off, comfy to wear and easy to use. Sometimes the difference between “just right” and “too much” is subtle, so you do have to be quite careful and precise unless you have a resilient victim, but precision movements are surprisingly possible and the feedback pressure is great. They’re not an “advanced” bit of kit.

Vegan Vampire Gloves with a Bite


Love Bites chenille vampire gloves are, to come to a point (heh), wonderful. They’re cheaper, easier to clean, easier to fit, more vegan-friendly, softer, fluffier and yet still far, far more spiky than the usual leather KinkLab vampire gloves. They have spikes on both the fingers and the palm of each glove and each of the spikes is lovely and pointy and scratchy.

They look and feel good both to wear and be subjected to; never mind the nostalgia value of the chenille for me, it’s a great fabric for sensation and textured soft strokes to complement the spikes. The Love Bites’ spikes can give sensation ranging from tickling and tingling up to pain and some breaking of the skin, but you have to be quite purposeful to achieve the latter, so it’s a very safe toy. All in all, I highly recommend the chenille Love Bites vampire gloves, so go buy yours! ♦

Review – Icicles No. 8 Glass Dildo

Icicles No. 8 glass dildo

Disclaimer: I was provided with a free Icicles No. 8 by Adult Sensations in exchange for my honest review. Click any image to embiggen.

♦ The Icicles No. 8 is a glass dildo in the Icicles line by Pipedream, which is sold by Adult Sensations. It is a beautiful but slim toy designed to be used both vaginally and anally.

Icicles No. 8 PackagingThe packaging of the Icicles No. 8 looks very high-end: a matte box with images of the toy and a decent amount of info on the back. A small ribbon opens a magneted front to reveal a glimpse of the dildo inside. Within, the toy is in a foam cut-out. It’s lovely, but the big let-down for me is that the toy comes with no storage bag, which is very important for glass.


Glass toy novices may be worried about putting what is often viewed as a fragile material into a delicate area, but don’t worry. The borosilicate glass used in sex toys is very strong; it won’t break inside you (you’re just not that strong) and it doesn’t shatter easily when dropped.

They’re very safe in other ways too. Glass is a non-porous material that can be easily sterilised by boiling or using 10% bleach solution. This means it can be shared both between partners and between orifices, so long as its sterilised in between. It’s also hypo-allergenic and body-safe, which is really important.

Lastly, glass is fantastic in that it can be carefully cooled or heated for a different sensation in/on your body. I normally use the fridge to cool the toy down and hot water for heat. Do take care, though, and take care in thrusting with such a rigid material too.


 Icicles No. 8 SizeThe Icicles No. 8 is a lightweight glass toy with a decent length but a very slim girth. It’s certainly one that is more suited for those who like smaller toys and is not really for size queens. It is 7″ long with about 5.5″ insertable, which is a good length that can hit deep if wanted. The large end bulb is 1.5″ diameter and the three smaller bulbs are 1.1″, 1″ and 0.9″. The smallest part of the toy is the neck between the two smallest bulbs at 0.7″.

Although the rigidity and waviness do help bulk the Icicles No. 8 up, and it was a great size for me as an anal novice, it was too slim for maximum vaginal pleasure. Due to the slim tip, it was very easy to insert for both, though vaginal insertion of the big bulb end may be more tricky for some. And, yes, the toy is double-ended, at least vaginally it is.

Anal-wise, I believe the big bulb has enough of a sudden size-shift to count as a flared base for most people, but you may want to disagree with me on that. Personally, when I used the Icicles No. 8 anally, I couldn’t even get it past the third small bulb for some reason. I pushed it in and found the tip bumping up on my insides somewhere and refusing to go any further.

I’m assuming that the rigidity and/or straightness of the toy didn’t gel so well with the wibbliness of my back passage, but I’m not certain. So, for me, there was no chance of losing this toy anally.

The wavy bulbs felt great in my ass, but I would say they were perhaps a bit too subtle to be really great. The slimness of the toy proved perfect, though, and I had no trouble with a toy of this size. That said, I tended to just move the Icicles No. 8 backwards and forwards, passing the second bulb into and out of my anus, sometimes removing the toy entirely, which felt very nice.

Vaginally, the toy can be used with either end as losing it is not an issue. The end with the small bulbs is more for the pleasure of the wavy shape and for generic thrusting, but it is a little on the thin side for my liking, although the bulbs do feel very nice going back and forth. If you want something bigger and, honestly, more interesting, the big-bulbed end does fairly well as a G-spot stimulator. It’s not perfect, because it’s a bit too straight, but the rigidity is great and it just makes this end of the toy by far the best. I like to work it back and forth in small movements over my G-spot.

Really, though, with the gradual change between neck and bulb, the shape of the Icicles No. 8 is more undulations or waves than bumps or bulbs. It feels very smooth, which is useful for insertion and easy thrusting, but in general it’s just not stimulating enough. The lack of girth doesn’t help.

Icicles No. 8 Aesthetics

Aesthetically, the Icicles No. 8 really shines, excuse the pun. It’s a beautiful dildo that has a very different look to it, what with the dual effect of the delicate blue inner spiral and the iridescent sheen to the clear glass. It looks like a blown bubble mixed with a child’s marble and I just can’t capture it adequately on camera. It’s one of the more interesting and gorgeous glass dildos I’ve seen and it’s the light rainbow effect to the surface that really does it.


The Icicles No. 8 by Pipedream, like the Crystal Small Premium Glass Kegel by NS Novelties, is yet another gorgeous glass dildo with marvellous aesthetics that’s not quite as large as it could do with being, probably because it’s trying to work two jobs as both a vaginal and an anal dildo. The Icicles No. 8, however, is just a bit too boring and gentle in terms of shape to pull off really pleasurable sensations at a small size. Anally, it was comfortable and very interesting, although I still felt the wavy bulbs could be more exciting. Vaginally, the small end was decent, but not thrilling and the big end was much closer to thrilling but still not quite there.

If you’re a fan of small toys, though, and you don’t need a lot of texture, I think you’ll really like this one. It’s versatile, body-safe, non-porous, temperature-variable, slim, gentle and lovely to look at. It just doesn’t quite do it for me. But if you think the Icicles No. 8 is for you, why not get one from Adult Sensations? ♦

Why not read some more of my sex toy reviews?

Review – Crystal Small Premium Glass Kegel

Crystal Small Premium Glass Kegel dildo

Disclaimer: I was provided with a free Crystal Small Premium Glass Kegel by SexToysUK in exchange for my honest review. Click any image to embiggen.

♦ The Crystal Small Premium Glass Kegel is a glass kegel exerciser and dildo made by NS Novelties and sold by SexToysUK. I’ll admit that I was after this toy purely for the purpose of using it as a gorgeous glass dildo rather than for its purported kegel-improving qualities, so I’ll only be reviewing it as a sex toy rather than a sex aid. I feel that I’d be much more keen to use ben wa balls for kegel exercise than I would a more bulky, less convenient, less discreet object like this one.

The Crystal Glass Kegel is a toy which comes in several sizes and colours (SexToysUK carries mine, the pink small, the grey large and the purple large), though mine is the small version in a lovely bottle green.

Crystal Glass Kegel Packaging

The packaging is a matte white box with side windows and some basic info on the toy. Inside the Crystal Glass Kegel sits largely unprotected except for two foam shapes which hold either end. The toy comes with no instructions on how to use it for kegel use (insert the 3-bulbed end while upright and clench your kegels to keep it in place) even if you wanted to and, a sin for glass toys, doesn’t come with any storage bag either.


Those new to glass toys are often worried about putting what is normally seen as a delicate material into a delicate area, but don’t worry. The borosilicate glass used in sex toys is very strong stuff;  it won’t break inside you, you’re just not that strong. They’re also strong when dropped, though do try not to chuck your nice toys about anyway.

Glass toys, like the Crystal Small Premium Glass Kegel, are not only quite shatter-safe, but they’re very safe in other ways too. Glass is a non-porous material that can be very easily sterilised by boiling it or using 10% bleach solution, which means that it can be shared both between partners and between vagina and anus, so long as its sterilised in between. It’s also hypo-allergenic and body-safe, which is really important, even if you don’t suffer from particular reactions.

Lastly, glass is awesome in that it can be carefully heated or cooled for a different sensation in/on your body. I normally use the fridge to cool the toy down and hot water for heat. Do take care though.


Crystal Glass Kegel SizeThe Crystal Small Premium Glass Kegel is a double-ended toy comprised of a 7.5″ straight shaft with different sizes of glass bulb. One end is largely smooth and tapering (0.5″ diameter at its narrowest) with a bulb at one end that is just under an inch in diameter.

The other, more interesting, end is also straight but comes with three bulbs that increase in size from the tip to the mid-point of the shaft. The first bulb is tapered like a teardrop and is about 0.85″ around, the second bulb is just over an inch and the third and largest is 1.25″ in diameter. It’s also quite lightweight.

The thing that strikes me most about the shape of the Crystal Glass Kegel, other than its potential for pleasure, is that despite the SexToysUK product page saying it “can also be used as a dildo for anal or vaginal stimulation”, I really don’t think it’s anal-safe at all. The bulbs flow quite smoothly into each other and I just don’t think there’s enough of an obvious flare anywhere to keep this dildo from accidentally disappearing into your anus. Which would be severely awkward (oh, and dangerous). Please use your discretion, but perhaps keep this thing away from “the butt”.

The Crystal Small Premium Glass Kegel is a beautiful toy to behold. The shape reminds me of a honey-dipper and the three-tiered effect looks great. But what’s by far the best thing about this toy’s aesthetics is the colour. It is an absolutely gorgeous, smooth, clear bottle green which shows up beautifully in the light.

Crystal Glass Kegel Three-Bulbed EndThe two ends of the dildo feel very different, which makes the toy quite versatile. Despite that, I’d say that using the single-bulbed end as a handle and inserting the three-bulb end is probably the more obvious and enjoyable use for this toy. The single bulb makes a good handle as long it doesn’t get too slippery and the three bulbs feel fantastic inside me.

The Crystal Glass Kegel works equally well either pulling the bulbs in and out all the way for the slight popping sensation of the insertion or working the toy back and forth gently with all the bulges inside to better appreciate the “texture” of the shape. The taper of the first bulbs means it’s very easy to insert and the combination of bulbs feels amazing. The largest bulb really pulls on my vaginal wall in a lovely way and even seems to offer some amount of G-spot stimulation (but, since it’s so straight, it’s not going to work for everyone by any means).

Crystal Glass Kegel Single-Bulbed EndThe single-bulbed end is a less exciting experience than the triple-bulbed end, but does still have its place. The relatively straightforward shaft and lonely bulb mean that the shape and feeling are less stimulating, but the thinner shaft and absence of bumpiness may suit some people better. Personally, I found this end a bit boring, but one thing I did enjoy was really angling the Crystal Glass Kegel up to rub the small bulb against my G-spot. This felt great, but wasn’t ideal: the straight shaft means you really have to work at it and it ended up hurting my thumbs, plus the bulb is just a bit too small to be really amazing as a G-spot stimulator.


The Crystal Small Premium Glass Kegel by NS Novelties is a beautiful glass dildo and while I can’t attest to its qualities as a kegel exerciser nor could I recommend its use as an anal toy, I do actually really like this toy for vaginal use. I find myself wondering whether I might actually like the large version of it better (although that doesn’t come in gorgeous green), but the small version really is very pleasurable for its size despite that. Besides, harder materials always feel bigger than softer ones of the same size.

It’s double-ended, giving you variety, and the three-bulbed end particularly feels very good when thrusting and penetrating. Plus, being glass, it’s body-safe, non-porous, temperature-variable and very easy to clean. It should come with a storage bag, though. Bitches love storage bags. So, if you’re after the gorgeous Crystal Small Premium Glass Kegel, get one now from SexToysUK! ♦

Why not read some more of my sex toy reviews?