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“Objectification” by Blacksilk

So, if you’ve read my latest blog post, the first one ever written by my beautiful partner Crush (and if you haven’t, do, this will make slightly more sense), you’ll have realised that I found myself entering a singularly unusual sexy situation just the other evening. I came home and up the stairs to Crush’s room, opening the door to a strange, but undoubtedly erotic, sight. Sprawled on the bed was Crush, strapped by his ankles and wrists to the under-the-bed restraints, wearing his sexy green shirt open to reveal his chest. He was wearing his jeans, but they were pushed down to his knees. He was bare from his knees right up to his neck.

But I didn’t get to see everything. Oh, no. His head was covered by what turned out to be a cider box, it’s side covered in white paper on which was drawn a head with a question mark for a face. Covering his cock was a homemade cardboard “Censored” bar that obscured what I assumed was his erection. A new vase of flowers stood on the chest of drawers and four red ones had been plucked from it and draped across his legs artfully. The computer screen showed a fantastic, and sarcastic, mini-essay about gender and objectification. Crush’s words explain this whole set-up best.

Nonetheless, a picture does speak a thousand words…

Objectified Crush

I was… well, flabbergasted. I’m not often lost for words of any kind. This left me speechless in surprise, shock… I was assailed by both the fact that Crush had planned something elaborate and thoughtful for me but also by the absolute absurdity and weirdness of the situation. I flailed helplessly for a moment before Crush drew my attention to my camera sat on his desk. I knew I had to take advantage of the situation. I stripped off my clothes and spent a few minutes restraining myself from touching him, taking photos of his beautiful body and his strange… art installation? I knew that once we really got started, none of this would go back the way it was.

Putting the camera down, I removed the flowers from Crush’s legs and put all but one of them back in the vase. I sat down next to him on the bed, naked, and began to run the petals of the flower head over his exposed skin. I trailed the flower over his chest, his arms, his thighs, then excruciatingly slowly up the length of his cock from base to tip. He sighed and I took to varying the sensations over his body: the edge of the petals, the face of the flower, the tip of the stalk. Each of them trailed over his flesh and teased his nerve endings. He couldn’t see except for a crack at the base of his head-box, which helped magnify the strange sensations.

I was peppering my exploration of his body with frequent spluttering cries of “You are actually mad, you know that?”, “I love you!” and “What on Earth possessed you?”. He explained a bit more of his thinking behind it all and mentioned in passing that the particular feminist he’d been reading had said something along the lines of that it was possible for women to objectify men but that it meant that they were basically really men and vice versa. My gender-bending kink pricked its ears up at this point.

“So, that means I’m a guy….” I said.

I know that genderfuck doesn’t really do it for Crush and that he still finds the whole idea a bit out of his comfort zone, but I was pleased to hear him reply so positively. Then he said a word that sent an honest-to-God jolt through my pussy and up into my brain.

“Master,” he called me.

I couldn’t even tell you why that did it for me or why that thought still does it for me. It’s something I feel rather than think. I like to analyse my kinks, of course, because it’s interesting; I’m just not very good at it.

Nonetheless, the word “Master” coursed through my body in a way it never has when I’ve said it in submission to a man. It was true arousal, devoid of thought, a direct line to my body. I grinned and he said it again. The rest of the evening, in fact, was spattered with it.

I removed his homemade “Censored” bar and took him in my mouth. I might have been nominally in control, Crush might have been wanting me to take the lead, but I still wanted to give him pleasure. That and the fact that he’d done this all for me, the fact that chemistry was powering my mostly-a-sub body more than intellect or emotion, meant that I was finding it hard to be anything other than pliant and grateful. But I love to suck him. His cock tastes beautiful, feels wonderful in my mouth and smells so good to me. His come, I’ll be honest, I can take or leave. But his cock…

Not too long in, I had a better idea. Sucking Crush’s cock was fun, but I wanted to tease and torture him at the same time. I straddled his chest facing his feet, took my beloved Tango vibrator from the bedside and placed it, buzzing, between my pussy lips. It nestled helpfully between my body and his, pinned by his taut chest and my folds, as I leant forward to suck him again.

It wasn’t the easiest of positions, let me tell you. I was awkwardly placed to keep hold of his cock as I needed my hands to prop my body up on all fours. When I shifted position, the Tango would sometimes move about and once made a beeline up Crush’s chest to rumble by his collarbone. But it was worth it when I moaned hard around his cock and came, shuddering, on top of him, my pussy mere inches from his obscured face.

I wanted him inside me and he readily agreed. He suggested I stay facing his feet and give reverse cowgirl a go, something we’ve never tried before. Again, it turned out not to be the easiest task, but to be worth it. I falteringly guided him inside me as I straddled him around the hips and called him my bitch. My slut. He called me his Master.

Objectification Head Box

He could still peek out of the bottom of his box and I wondered briefly what the view, if really any, was like for him. It was a much more awkward position for me and for the ease of thrusting/riding than the usual girl-on-top, but the novelty (and the vibrator I held to my clit) made up for that. Adventure, after all, is exciting. Trying something new together, whether a resounding success or just a new sensation, is a wonderful experience. Whilst it’s not a position we’ll go back to regularly, the discovery was wonderful.

I dismounted and turned to face him, adding some lube to his cock for an effortless re-entry. This time, I’d go for “normal” cowgirl. It was just too hard to let go and come when I was in the other, more awkward, position. When it suited me, I pulled the cardboard box from his head, leaving him blinking up at me in the bright light of the bedroom. I know he loves to see me anew after being deprived. He started to up the frequency of his dirty comments to me and I lapped them up, asking for more, more, more. I bounced on his cock and he thrust up into me, making himself mine with every one of his utterances, giving himself to me with his body. Before long I was asking from one phrase and one phrase only, on repeat, as I climbed towards my summit.

“Please come, Master.”

He begged, he pleaded with those words. I shook, the Tango still at my clit, the sweat coating my skin, my knees weak with exertion. And I came. I came perhaps as hard as I’ve ever come. I talk big sometimes with metaphors and similes and rhetoric, I write my orgasms as storms and bullies and destruction. This was cataclysm. When it finished, I could barely speak, barely move, barely think. My body could support myself no longer and I let myself tumble sideways from Crush’s body. I fumbled, dumb, a zombie, at his nearest wrist strap, releasing him from his bonds and told him to fuck me again. I demanded that he take me as I recovered on my back.

And he did. His cock slid inside my honestly quite battered pussy, my pleasure-weakened body. This fuck was for him. His time to come. I told him as much and he certainly didn’t hold back. His Master spoke firmly to her little slut, goading him, urging him on until he too came hard, gasping, panting.

He collapsed onto me and we athletes rested our tired, hot, sticky bodies in each others’ arms. And I’ll tell you something: as they say “I don’t know much about art, but I know what I like.”

And Crush’s exhibition was certainly a resounding, earth-shattering, love-tempering success. ♦

“Objectification” by Crush

This post marks the first (but hopefully not last) instance of Crush, my gorgeous boyfriend, writing on my blog! Hooray! He explains the set-up that lead to a noteworthy encounter between us recently. And now, over to him…

♦ So where to start this story, I guess I should start with Monday, where Blacksilk and I were talking. She’d just finished her glass-to-arse session and we’d done all that mundane life stuff, so were getting an early night. Blacksilk, not for the first time, raised the topic of my penis and how the online world was sorely lacking in its finery, having already got the rest of me. Sorry to disappoint all my fans out there, but you’ll have to wait a bit longer. :P

But the conversation had given me an idea, Blacksilk is occasionally keen to take photos, but due to my insistence on cock-less shots they require framing or editing or, I dunno, I’m not a camera-wielder, some magic along those lines. Clearly what is needed is a censor bar, like the one Blacksilk has on her Twitter pic and presumably elsewhere where nipples are frowned upon (weird mental image there1 ). But not just any censor bar, a shadow censor bar, um, I mean, a real-life one.

I’d initially planned to do this for Tuesday, but then remembered that I was supposed to be cooking food for the rest of our house, and that may be hard to do appropriately without clothes on (Alt has declared on many an occasion that he is most definitely not attracted to me, and the rest of our housemates would be similarly unkeen). Plus, a day’s a bit short notice.

Okay, so, I hadn’t really got a plan formed at this point, so Tuesday involved thinking up an idea, by the end of which I’d narrowed it down to: find a box, sellotape some card or use a bin liner somehow… A quick check with Red confirmed my belief that two of these three plans, combined with hair, would be painful, so a box it was. I initially planned to use a kitchen roll tube somehow, but then Wednesday morning I realised a much better plan, using a cling film (that’s plastic wrap for our overseas friends) box. I also thought, hey, while I’m obscuring the photo, why not get a box on my head or some such.

Of course, once you’re putting a box on someone’s head, it’s only a tiny jump to objectification, because that’s a thing. From my devastatingly large sample size I get the feeling that this and many other forms of objectification are, shall we say, a little more called out when it’s women as the victim than men, so I thought I could make some sort of statement about it, because political statements and sex are a good combination. Bah, whatever.

So Wednesday I went and got some black card, cut up some stuff, did a bit of gluing and came up with:

Censored

Truly I am a master of basic craft skills.

I had initially thought of putting something like “objectify this man” on the box, but then decided to go with the classic question mark in a silhouette style thing. Obviously this meant that there was nowhere to put the description of the idea, so I thought “Hey, maybe I could make it like an art piece”. I did some research, well, not really, just a bit of reading on the Internet, but that’s close enough, and came up with the following (warning: the following may contain the view that extreme feminists are mental cases):

Objectified Man?

To complete the plan I also got some really expensive flowers. They were like £3. And they say chivalry is dead. Blacksilk called me after she got out of work (as is the norm, because we’re soppy romantics or something) and I subtly worked out what time she was getting home, by asking her for it (thanks, Equilibrium).

So, how to sort out a good art exhibit, well, firstly, a few clothes, not really covering much, more as a decorative piece, jeans around ankles, shirt fully undone, censored bar in place. Place some flowers for emphasis… Oh, and cuffs of course, ankles are easy, but then I had to fiddle a bit to cuff one wrist and then slip into the cuff of the other wrist, but fortunately I had a bit of time spare. I also had a hole in the side of the box, so I could see what time it was and check my screen-saver didn’t do something stupid.

So Blacksilk got home and came upstairs to say hi, upon entering the room she, well, I guess that’s a story best told by her in another blog post. ;) ♦

A round of applause for Crush, everyone! I hope you’re all excited to see him writing for a sex blog for the first time, do please be gentle with him. And tell him/us what you think! Wasn’t he fantastic? Don’t forget to read the follow-up!

  1. *I’m kinda imagining that bit in Gangnam Style, but with a frown rather than a weird shout and boobs instead of bum. []

Rushed Rhymes – NaPoWriMo

♦ Heck, most of these aren’t even rhyming. They’re haikus, otherwise known as the “Oh, God, I’m so behind!” of NaPoWriMo. But more on what these poems are all about in a moment, for now just enjoy (I hope) poems 15-20 of the month…

Fauves

Following the curves
The lips of the paper cunt
Ink flows from pen nib

Corset: Five Hours In

I never once thought
You’d hear me say, after hours
“Pull me in tighter”

Book!

“Can I draw again?”
A different erotic book
Passed into my hands

Confidence Crisis

In sight, in mind
Out of place, out of time
Show an interest, show my face
One day I will take my place
Read aloud what I’ve made
Hold my head up on the stage

You

You, here, below me
You, forever, here with me
You, now, inside me

Syllables

Oh, BDSM
So easy in the bedroom
Hard in a haiku

“Fauves” is a haiku about my little cunt colouring book that I so enjoy inking, whereas “Corset: Five Hours In” is about a true situation I found myself in recently: after five hours in a corset I was finding myself so comfortable that I actually wanted it cinched in tighter after all that time! I’m told this isn’t always usual for a corset novice.

“Book!” and “Confidence Crisis” are all about the Kinky World Book Night that I recently attended. I was given a free erotic book at the door, but it turned out to be one I had already, which got me praise! Confidence Crisis is a good deal more emotional. I was feeling nervous and out of place and awkward and didn’t think I’d be able to read my own work aloud. It’s about that feeling of lacking confidence and hating yourself for it. It’s about how one day you’ll get there. But then it turned out that I would have the opportunity to read aloud after all! So I did! And I “got there” about an hour or so after writing that! And it was amazing.

“You” is a little haiku about a lover, prompted by the word “below” and “Syllables” is a simple one about how hard it is to use “BDSM” in an erotic haiku given it’s a syllable per letter!

Hoepfully I’ll get a chance to write some more substantial ones soon! ♦

Wicked Wednesday

Odd Little Snippets – NaPoWriMo

♦ It’s no wonder I never have time for NaBloPoMo or NaNoWriMo, I’ve barely had time to keep up with NaPoWriMo either! It’s now day ten of the month and I’ve written eight poems, which the observant among you will realise is not ten. I’ve been feeling a bit poorly, so I’ve spent the last couple of days playing catch-up on the poetry side of things. Here’s the odd little snippets of poetry I’ve come up with, some more serious than others, since last time

Real Women

Ladies, real women
Don’t ever use phrases like
“Ladies, real women..”

Lapdog

Adorable you
Nestled at my warm hip
Like a naked dog

Tea Fetish

Sometimes I think I’d like to be a sachet of tea leaves
And plunge, head-first, into you
And feel the heat of you surrounding me, infiltrating me
And slowly sink down into your depths
And infuse into you, spreading out, sighing
And mix my essence with yours
So that we are no longer Tea Bag and Hot Water
But one soft and molten brew
Tea, that fawn infusion
Life-giver, bliss-bringer
A cup of us, inseparable

Just Say No

True friends don’t let friends
I say, true friends don’t let friends
Buy furry handcuffs

Let’s Play

Let’s play the tease game
Let’s let my hands run over your rear
Try not to let your erection grow
Let’s let me moan softly into your ear
Try not to let your excitement show
Let’s let me squeeze your rigid cock
Try not to let your desire peak
Let’s let me flirt and let me mock
Try not to take the fun you seek
Here in public, here where people see
Let’s play the tease game: one, two three…

So, the poems. Real Women and Just Say No are designed to be very tongue-in-cheek, if you hadn’t yet guessed, whereas Lapdog is a more serious haiku.

Let’s Play (a lovely, nerdy title) is an erotic poem with elements of some sort of children’s skipping game? The last line is certainly very “Peep behind the curtain: one, two, three”. And finally, Tea Fetish is an odd little poem about wanting to be so close to someone that you’re happy to melt into each other. It’s about bliss, I guess, but what do you expect from a poem about tea?

Anyway, how are your NaPoWriMo efforts going? And what do you think of mine? I’m always keen for feedback. ♦

Wicked Wednesday

Acting on Instructions

Red is a vixen, Red is a flirt
Red told me to go to him and rip off his shirt
Red is a siren, Red is a tease
Red told me to take him and bring him to his knees

♦ He was playing D&D and I was in my bedroom somewhat bored. I say bored, “bored” was really more of an excuse to message her out of the blue and chat. OK, flirt, fine. “Go distract him”, Red told me, “show him your boobs.”1

“He’s playing via webcam,” I pointed out. “So, not a good idea.”

“Stand off-camera and strip,” She said.

It wasn’t a bad idea, actually. It’s not like I need to be encouraged to flash my rack at Crush. So I prowled into his room, whispered a few choice naughtinesses into his ear, stood to one side and pulled up my top. A toothy grin appeared on his face before I dashed back to my computer.

When his game had finished, he came in to see me. His attitude was instantly flirtatious, sexually-charged. Had I done all that with one flash of my goods? Hmm, looks like he’d been talking to Red too. I bet she’d nudged him towards being worked up, just like she’d nudged me.

“Just give me a minute to finish here,” I said, tapping a few bits of a review out.

When I went in, I found him sprawled on the bed. Instead of his usual supremely-lazy attire, he was in the sexy, sexy jeans and green-striped shirt I’d bought him. For a man surgically-attached to his trackie bottoms, that there was bedroom-wear. And he was fucking rocking it, sly smile and all.

As we watched each other, I stripped, making sure to take extra care on the breast-reveal that I know is his favourite part.

Just as my bra hit the floor, my phone buzzed up a message. Red.

“Has he bent to your will yet?”

I looked over to him. His pose was… not quite submissive, but certainly passive. He lay waiting for me to leap on him. Given he’d spent the last few days punishing me for any imagined transgression, I’d say I might be in control here. And he’d dressed up just for me…

“Oh, I think so…” I replied quickly, knowing he probably got a buzz off us talking about him. “Best be off.”

Naked, I crawled onto the bed from his feet, up over his legs until I paused and perched just at his thighs. He looked amazingly sexy. A shirt always says “rip me off” and his eyes shone. The bulge in his jeans was particularly unsubtle. I loved that.

I spent some time just admiring him and exchanging flirtatious talk before I pulled his upper body towards my chest. His mouth lunged at my nipples eagerly and I pushed his head from breast to breast, rubbing his face into me. Now and again I’d push him away, down onto the bed, and then pull him back up by his shirt. I was enjoying my display of dominance over him.

He told me he loved to be pushed about from nipple to nipple, to struggle half-blinded by flesh, to have to work hard to find them with his tongue, to not quite get enough. He told me he could do it for hours, but it was only minutes before we decided to add a new element.

Our under-the-bed restraints may not be the classiest piece of kit, but on a bed with no headboard, it certainly comes in handy to have them always there ready. I secured his arms. The problem before was that he could just lean forward and plant his lips on my nipples at any time unless I held him down. Now I moved backwards, lengthening the distance.

Soon I could control his access to my nipples with just a slight lean forward or back. He strained at his bonds as I darted in and out, pushing his head from tit to tit when I got close. Just long enough to get my fill of pleasure from his mouth on my skin, just short enough that he still felt restricted.

After a while, I pushed him back down on the bed and swiftly unbuttoned his shirt. I peppered his delicately-sculpted chest with kisses and licks before working my way down to the buttons of his fly.

He’d only done two up, which is good, because they’re a bitch.

So I opened them and pressed my face to the base of his cock as it peeped from above the fabric. I kissed his cock and nuzzled the fly of his jeans further open as I did until he was nearly fully exposed. My fingers did the rest.

I licked and sucked as he moaned in his restraints before hopping back over his hips and pressing myself into him.

He wanted me to fuck him. It was late, but I couldn’t say no. I wanted him. I wanted to take him. I could feel the crispness of his jeans under my thighs, the heat of his cock against my pussy lips, the flutter of his heartbeat through his chest.

I grabbed my faithful Tango bullet and began to lower myself down onto his shaft. Handily, I was already quite wet from our foreplay and from testing a lovely glass dildo not long before, so no lube was required before I felt him full inside me. I pumped up and down on his slickened cock and groaned as he hit deep inside my pussy. His face was turned sideways into the pillows, passion twisting him into curled up shapes and ecstatic forms. He drove his hips upwards in time with my own movements, thrusting hard against gravity and my weight.

It wasn’t long before all I could do was hold on and keep my tight grip on the vibrator at my clit. Now he was doing all the work and I sagged into him, my previous energy drawing in, coalescing in my cunt. My orgasm rose up in me like bubbles in a tar pit, bursting suddenly and sending thick black tendrils of pleasure surging to the tips of me. I came gasping on top of him, my moans causing him to sigh with delight.

The climaxes that followed were soon joined by Crush’s own grunting rapture, his brows knitted in effort and expulsion, his cock twitching. I let him lie there, blissful and exhausted in his restraints for a time as I, too, recovered my breath. Then I loosened his bonds and set him free. ♦

Silk is a harlot, Silk is a whore
Silk told her the day was won and cannot wait for more

  1. Who is Red, you ask? All will be revealed in time. For now, just know she is sexy, dirty and mischievous… []

Wax Dummy

♦ Just a few weeks back, I did a review of basically some blimmin’ ordinary candles, otherwise known as the Fetish Fantasy Sensual Hot Wax kit. They were, for all intents and purposes, just ordinary candles. But it did mean I got a nice excuse to play with some wax for once.

We don’t do wax play often, I admit. It’s a bit of effort to protect the sheets and so forth and to clean up afterwards. We can be lazy. So this was a nice treat.

Crush soon became quite expert at guiding the drip, drip, drip of the melting candle to the sweet spots of my waiting skin. I love the feel of it. The hot, wet splat that quickly cools opaque and starts to form a layer with a passing resemblance to something chitinous and alien. The fleeting pain turned to a gentle warmth. The dancing flame.

Wax Dummy BDSM

He targeted thighs and arms and stomach and breasts. I gasped. I wriggled. I gloried at heat turned to heaven on my skin. Hours after scraping and plucking all that off, I took matters into my own hands.

Drip, drip, drip.

And above is what I created. Glob upon glob of wax, splat upon splat of delight. Rivulets of heated candle running down the curve of my flesh and cooling into ridges and ravines. An arm that looks exotic and ugly and beautiful. A snowscape. A wax dummy. ♦

SinfulSunday

Review – Fetish Fantasy Sensual Hot Wax

Fetish Fantasy Sensual Hot Wax candles

Disclaimer: I was provided with a free Fetish Fantasy Sensual Hot Wax by Temptations Direct in exchange for my honest review. Click any image to embiggen.

♦ The Fetish Fantasy Sensual Hot Wax kit is a wax play kit in Pipedream’s Fetish Fantasy line, sold by Temptations Direct. I foresee this review being a short one. Why? It’s four candles (wait for it). In a box. With, oh horror of horrors, a “Free Mask”. There’s just not an awful lot to say, but I’ll soldier on.

FF Sensual Hot Wax Packaging

The packaging is, like the Fetish Fantasy Shock Therapy Kit, very much the usual Fetish Fantasy packaging for their range of bondage gear and equipment. The box is not classy, not subtle, not even sexy, but certainly better than the last one for sheer tackiness. This box is just mildly tacky, rather than Sovereign Glue. It’s certainly sturdy enough to keep the Sensual Hot Wax candles in until you’ve used them all up.

Contents-wise, the product is very simple: the candles and a Fetish Fantasy Free Mask. I talked about their Free Masks in my very last review (above) and I remain nothing but scathing about them. Every time I review a Fetish Fantasy product that comes with a Free Mask, I will point out how awful it is until one unlikely day, they stop. Just listen to how crinkly it is!

Oh, and also about an inch and a half of the stitching on the “lining” was missing before I even started. Ugh.

Onto the Fetish Fantasy Sensual Hot Wax kit candles themselves. There are four of them. Four candles. Fork ‘andles. No, really, I am not making this up, guys. Screw the Free Mask, this kit comes with an evening’s worth of BDSM-based Two Ronnies comedy gold. If you have ever wanted your play to include more old-school punnage, this is for you.

Jokes aside, the candles are your usual sort of taper candle (though not actually that tapered) and are about five inches long and 0.75″ wide. They’re white and, as stated on the box, unscented. That’s about all it does state on the box, though. And I quote, “Material: Wax”. It’s almost like the manufacturers either don’t know or don’t care that there are actually different types of wax (paraffin, soy, beeswax, bayberry, etc.). That or they don’t expect you to care. But it’s actually pretty important because different types of wax burn at different temperatures and also because, hey, as Britain has learned lately, people like actually knowing what they’re getting.

I asked Temptations Direct if they had any idea what type of wax it was, but they couldn’t find out either. My best guess? I reckon it’s paraffin. In any case, it certainly melts very easily and burns down very quickly. We managed to use up about a quarter of a candle in about ten or 15 minutes. I’ve heard some people complain that the candles burn very hot, but I didn’t actually feel that was the case. They were hot, but not hotter than I’d come to expect from dripping, melting wax. I could easily hold the candle about a foot over my arms or legs and get quickly lower without any unpleasantness and I could have Crush hold the candle about a metre up and progressively get a little lower over the sensitive skin of my breasts. Do test your tolerances carefully, though.

Sensual Hot Wax in use

The wax was easy to remove (for wax, anyway) and didn’t leave my skin greasy. It felt great on the skin, too. Just hot enough to make me think twice, but never enough to burn. The sensation was erotic and exciting. It was, however, exactly the same sensation as when compared to some other candles that I already owned. These are some white tapers (likely also paraffin) that I picked up from my nearby bargain shop for minimal cost some time ago. And they look the same. And they feel the same.

So, while I’m telling you that the Fetish Fantasy Sensual Hot Wax kit candles felt good and burned well and cleaned up decently, what I’m also telling you is that my bog standard cheapie candles also did all of the above just as well. Sure, not every cheap candle you can buy is suitable for wax play, but lots of them are. And the only real difference between my cheapo candles and the Sensual Hot Wax candles? The porny box, the Free Mask and over five of your British pounds.

Yes, £7.47 (and that’s below the ridiculous £9.00 RRP) is a fucking lot for four candles. Four candles which seem no different from my candles that probably cost me no more than a couple of quid. And that’s what it comes down to, really. These candles are adequate if you’re not too fussed on getting high quality and they’re cheap except without actually being cheap. They’re fine. They’re OK. But, so long as you’re safe about it (and do be safe, read up on these things), why not just go and buy the exact same thing from somewhere without an Important Sounding Sex Name for about a quarter of the price?

They’ll probably even let you leave without thrusting a Free Mask into your hands. ♦

Why not read some more of my sex toy reviews?

Review – Fetish Fantasy Shock Therapy Kit

Fetish Fantasy Shock Therapy Kit

Disclaimer: I was provided with a free Fetish Fantasy Shock Therapy Kit by UberKinky in exchange for my honest review. Click any image to embiggen.

♦ The Fetish Fantasy Shock Therapy Kit is an electric stimulation (or e-stim) kit intended for beginners, which is sold by UberKinky. This device sends small shocks through your body to ease muscle pain and, for some people, provide sexual pleasure. I’d never tried one before and (aside from a violet wand which is a different sensation altogether) I’m also new to electro sex, so I had no idea if I’d be “some people”.

But it turns out that that is pretty much exactly one of the things this kit is great for: if you don’t know if you like electric stimulation, you can try it out with minimal potential wasted time and money. Electro sex can be an expensive kink and the Shock Therapy Kit costs just £29.99, so it’s a great way to try a new experience on the cheap and work out if you’d enjoy something a bit more “professional” later.

Shock Therapy Kit Packaging

The packaging is a sturdy box featuring typical Fetish Fantasy fare, i.e. the front shows another contender for the title of World’s Porniest Toy Package Woman. To be fair, I’m probably just jealous of her globular mammaries, her mulleted partner and the way her eye shadow matches her hair… In any case, a fairly convenient box, but super unsubtle and tacky.

Inside the box is a plastic insert containing the Shock Therapy Kit itself and – Oh, sweet, free mask! Friggin’ masks, Ishizu! Seriously, though, the mask is awful, please stop packaging all your stuff with awful (free!) masks. Anyway, the kit itself consists of very lightweight control unit, four adhesive pads, one bi-polar lead wire and the instruction manual.

Shock Therapy Kit Instructions

The instruction manual for the Shock Therapy kit is a bit of a joke. It covers information that should be obvious to anyone alive in this decade, such as the troubleshooting (make sure the wires are actually attached to things). Then, on the other hand, I feel like it’s missing a lot of information. For example, it has minimal safety advice and absolutely NO advice whatsoever on different places to attach the pads. I got a couple of unpleasant shocks from trying the pads in the wrong locations and it’s also very easy to accidentally zap yourself fairly shockingly in the fingers if you try to adjust or re-stick the pads during use. Considering that I feel most people who use this kit will have no experience with electro sex, the instructions could have done with being a more comprehensive guide. That said, if that’s the only thing stopping you from buying this kit, don’t panic, there’s a wealth of information easily available online about what and how to do.

The instruction manual explains the three main modes of the Shock Therapy Kit too (Tap, Modulation and Kneading) along with a brief explanation of what they do. Tap feels like the shock from touching a lightweight electric fence: a short throb of electricity that does feel a bit like a mini-thump on the body. Modulation feels like a mobile phone on vibrate and Kneading is about the same, but for longer periods with bigger gaps. But it completely fails to mention the fact that there are a good half dozen modes after this that correspond to where you’ve put the pads (so there’s a “knees” mode or an “arms” mode). These are pretty incomprehensible even in use.

The “easy-to-read” LCD screen that “clearly displays” information is also vague in parts. I understand the bars for speed and power, but some of the things it displays in the top middle of the screen don’t seem to match what it’s actually doing. It’s all a bit opaque.

Shock Therapy Kit Buttons and Screen

Onto the Shock Therapy device itself. There are four buttons: one turns the device ON and increases the settings, one turns the device OFF and decreases them, one is labelled “S/P” and switches what you are increasing or decreasing between speed (rapidity of pulses) and power (intensity of pulses) and one that cycles through the e-stim modes.

The control unit connects to the bi-polar wire via a jack and the wire then splits out into two Ys, each with a sort of popper on the end that attaches to one of the adhesive pads. These pads are covered in a plastic film to keep them sticky and protect them from dirt. Once you’ve removed those, you place each pad on the body. All four need to be attached for it to work.

The pads are very sticky indeed (but leave no residue). However, they quickly lose their stickiness, unless you’re very careful, under attack from oils, sweat, lint or dirt. (While we’re on that note, don’t lose the plastic film and don’t share your pads as they can’t be sanitised). Mine have gone from very sticky to kinda sticky in about half a dozen uses, but I’m not the most careful of owners. If you want yours to last a long time, be extra clean and extra careful. Oh, and possibly not so hairy? I fucked my pads up royally in terms of crap-levels with just the trimmed hair of my vulva. Smooth body parts work best.

Flat ones too. I couldn’t use it on my nipples (like the box shows) as the pads really need flat, even contact with the skin to conduct the electricity, so the Shock Therapy Kit wouldn’t even start. Too bumpy. I settled for a pad either side of my nipples, but that just shocked my breasts and left the nipples alone.

It did feel very nice, though, especially when coming, even if I couldn’t turn it up much past power two or three. Yup, it turns out that even though it runs on two AAA batteries, it has a hell of a kick. I’d offered to review the kit expecting it to be pretty pathetic with just that powering it, but I was seriously impressed. Not only was I impressed, but my kinkster housemate Alt was very impressed too and he’s tried a “real” electro sex kit, that is to say one that costs significantly more and doesn’t run off triple As. We both feel that, in terms of power, this kit will certainly satisfy all but the more experienced electro-experts.

CONCLUSION

The Fetish Fantasy Shock Therapy Kit is a troubled beast. On the one hand it’s a little confusing with its lack of information on suggested electrode locations, its sometimes confusing LCD and the fact that I often don’t quite know what it’s up to. I really think all of these problems could actually just be solved with a longer and more detailed instruction guide. On the other hand, it’s reasonably priced, simple to actually operate and attach and capable of delivering very strong electronic pulses and shocks. Not only that, but it’s dual use: the kit can be used sexually (I loved masturbating with it tingling my breasts), but also therapeutically (it felt lovely buzzing away on my tired shoulder and neck muscles).

I think that, poor instructions and level of detail aside, it’s a really great little kit. It’s cheap and powerful and probably the best way (besides knowing someone who’ll do you a demo) to get an entry level start in e-stimulation and electro sex. You can try it out for little money and effort and you’ll soon know if you like it or want something more involved, especially if you couple it with freely available information on the Net to make up for what the instructions don’t provide. So, if you’re curious about electro sex, I’d say give the Fetish Fantasy Shock Therapy Kit from UberKinky a whirl. ♦

Why not read some more of my sex toy reviews?

White Stockings, White Stockings She Wore

♦  If you get the reference in the title of this poem (without cheating), not only will I be SUPER impressed, but I’ll likely love you forever. Because win.

In any case, here’s a little poem I started writing a while ago but got creative block part way through even though I knew where it was going! Anyway, it’s done now and I think I’m beginning to discover some themes in my poems that I’m unintentionally returning to, which is very interesting! As always, I’m dying to know what you think, so please leave any comment or critique below! ♦

White stockings and feet

On Sunday, I put you in white stockings.
I held the silk-soft tips open and you dipped in your toes,
Wriggling them childishly as I started to slide the stockings slowly up.
Up, up over your calves to rest atop your milky thighs,
Mere inches from your freshly-shaven slickness.
Your bit your cunt-pink lip in false consternation.
I made a note to fuck the levity out of you later.

You hadn’t done anything special to deserve a gift,
But I’d got you one anyway.
I pulled a white cotton negligee from its hiding place
And slipped it over your upraised arms,
Tugged it down past coral nipples and freckled flanks.
I bent you forward and the negligee rode up to expose your bottom
And a peek of pussy.

It was all I could do not to thrash your thighs there and then,
Not to birch your behind until slick turned to sopping,
Not to dip my thumb into your hive and come out coated in milk and honey.
You stood stock still, an expectant angel, waiting for me to blink.

Not yet.

I stood and placed a lecherous hand on your bare bottom,
Another on your chest,
And tipped your torso upright, signalling the end of your appraisal
We were masks, you and I.
Mischief capered under your doe-eyed surface;
Under mine, only the thought of ransack. Rampage.
But first, we’d play.

Dressed in your spotless, sacrificial whites,
You listened as I set your task.
You’d dust this room from top to bottom.
You would sweep its floor and beat its rugs.
And when you had exchanged your purity for its,
I’d stand you on the coffee table and have you spin for me
Like a mannequin on the fucking shopping channel.

My secret?
For each smudge, a spank.
For each blemish, a bruise.
For each streak, a strike of the cane, a snap of the whip…
A mark for each of your marks.

I’d beat out your imperfections and brand them on your skin.
I’d pin you down and pull your hair.
And fuck what was left of your levity gasping into the air.

On Sunday, I put you in white stockings.
But you went home, smiling, in bruises, wet knickers and sin.

♦  For those of you who give up on the title reference, you may remember that I’m a proud Cornish maid. The title is a line from a Cornish song called Camborne Hill, about Trevithick and steam engines and with a bit of innuendo thrown in for good measure (I ‘ad ‘er I did, it cost me a quid?). You can hear it sung here by a lovely male voice choir (with a slightly fancified arrangement, but mostly authentic).♦

Wicked Wednesday

Fifth Bloggiversary Giveaway!

♦ Five years is a fair while, isn’t it? And since this blog started with my very first post on the 17th of November 2007 and it’s now the 17th of November 2012, that makes today my official fifth bloggiversary! Go me! Bang the party poppers, sound the trumpets and spank your nearest and dearest!

But this isn’t the time for a lengthy introspective retrospective. It’s time to thank you all for being here. Whether you’ve been with me all along and can remember the Fractal days, whether you came in at the shiny, back-with-gusto Crush era or whether your first visit was about a minute ago because you heard there might be prizes. It’s all good (though I’d love it if you stuck around).

So, to celebrate my fifth bloggiversary, there are prizes! (You were right!)

Three of the prizes in the giveaway are open to anyone and everyone, worldwide. Five of the prizes are open to the UK-only. Make sure you only enter the UK-only Rafflecopter (the second one) if you have a shipping address in the UK. If you win and you don’t, I will redraw and you’ll get bugger all. Entering under a pseudonym is fine as long as you can provide a real shipping address. Giveaway prizes will be shipped to you by the donor.

WORLDWIDE PRIZES

We-Vibe 3

The We-Vibe 3 couple’s vibrator, donated by yours truly! I won this toy a few months back in a competition, but it is UNUSED. Crush hates vibrations, so this toy is not for us. Since we’ve never used it and we will never use it, I’m donating it. After all, it costs a penny or two and I’ve heard good things about it, so it’d be sad for it to go to waste. Plus, purple.

Hungry for Love

A digital copy of Coming Together‘s zombie-themed erotic anthology Hungry for Love! Featuring my first ever published erotic fiction Last Man on Earth as well as 16 other stories by some incredibly talented authors. All are themed around zombies and all involve some awesome sexiness. Some even have both at once! With, y’know, zombie sex. And it works!

Tantus Splish

Tantus Splish silicone dildo, donated by Vibrator Kingdom! It’s Tantus, so you know it’s going to be awesome. They’re my favourite dildo-makers and I bloody love them. This is a harness-compatible silicone dildo that’s perfect for pegging, and impressively dual-toned. Look! So gorgeous!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

UK-ONLY PRIZES

Icicles No. 8 The Icicles No. 8 glass dildo, donated by Innocent Sex Toys! As anyone who owns one will tell you, glass dildos are fantastic. And just look at this one: beautiful, iridescent, blue! It’s so pretty and even more so because you can warm it up, cool it down and sterilise it for sharing! LELO Gigi The LELO Gigi luxury G-spot vibrator, donated by Bondara! A quality toy by a quality brand. The LELO Gigi (in a pastel pink) is a silicone vibrator designed to pleasure your G-spot. Everything about a LELO toy is luxurious, so I’m delighted to give one away. A Rechargeable Passion Massager wand, donated by Passion8! Who doesn’t love a good wand vibrator? This one’s wireless and rechargeable with two speeds and a body-friendly silicone head. You could even go really crazy and actually use it as a massager! Or orgasms. Those are good. Black Hand PaddleA Black Hand Paddle in Leather, donated by UberKinky! This spanking toy has a studded handle and a thong for better grip and is made from real leather. Leather, by the by, smells amazing. It’s a flexible toy that delivers a mix of thud and sting, so should suit many tastes! We-Vibe TangoThe We Vibe Tango rechargeable bullet, donated by Strawberry Blushes! When people ask me what clitoral vibe they should get, what do I recommend without fail? The Tango. It is honest-to-goodness my favourite vibrator ever. It is strong, gloriously rumbly and perfectly shaped. I am trying not to gush too much but, trust me, you NEED one. Plus, also purple.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

And there’s your lot! Thank you SO much to all my giveaway prize donors and to you all for reading, sharing and entering this competition. Please help make it a success and hopefully win something to wank with! Any questions, please ask.

I look forward to drawing the winners on the 3rd of December (giveaway closes the day before, sorry to anyone who doesn’t understand times in EST, neither do I). Enjoy! ♦