Disclaimer: I was provided with a free House of Eros Double wooden dildo by Sex Toys 123 in exchange for my honest review. Click pictures to embiggen.
♦ The House of Eros Double wooden dildo, sold by Sex Toys 123, is long, slim, handcrafted sex toy made by kinksters House of Eros. I was particularly excited to try my very first wooden dildo (after conquering plastic, silicone, glass, metal and ceramic) and to add another sex toy achievement to my imaginary list. House of Eros make six different shapes of wooden dildo, all made from the same wood in the same way. Mine is the Double, but you can also buy the Triple, Balls, Egg, Pointed Egg and Two of Spades.
The packaging is very basic. It comes in a bag that is a sort of clear plastic sleeve with stapled on cardboard branding on the top. You have to tear the packaging to get into it, but you may find it still works fine for storage if you tear/cut it sensibly.
Inside the bag is the dildo itself along with an A4 piece of paper that serves as the manual for the toy. It contains a little bit of backstory on the art of wooden dildos, information on the process of making the toy and the finish used (even if the information is only the name and “take a look at Wikipedia online”), as well as care instructions.
NEW TO WOOD?
The first question most of you are thinking of involves splinters; don’t panic. Reputable makers of wooden sex toys (and, let’s face it, disreputable makers of any sex toys are going to give you a bad time) take great care in shaping, sanding, burnishing and polishing their dildos to make sure that there are absolutely no rough surfaces or chances of splinters. Depending on the quality of your toy and its finish, you may find it begin to roughen over time, so buy responsibly and make sure to examine your dildo before use for any imperfections. Try not to drop the wooden toy on hard surfaces, as it may chip.
Wooden toys, again from reputable companies, are non-porous thanks to their sealant. These sealants and polishes are chosen to be body safe and hypoallergenic, though you may want to check particulars before buying. To be extra careful, it’s best not to boil or dishwasher wooden toys. Instead, wipe down your item with water and anti-bacterial soap. Wood should last a lifetime if it is treated well (no cleaning it with a scourer!).
Lastly, be careful with yourself. Wood, while not as heavy as glass and metal, is a very hard material. Wooden toys do not flex or give. It would be relatively easy to get a bit overly keen and bruise yourself, but on the up side, this unforgiving material makes for some very intense sensations, especially if you like to apply pressure.
THE HOUSE OF EROS DOUBLE WOODEN DILDO
In terms of size, the House of Eros Double is rather slim and very long.
It measures a good 12″ long, in fact, with around 9″ intended to be insertable. The widest points of the main bulbs come at around 1″ and 4.5″ from the tip, with another flare at 9″ at the start of the handle (though there’s no reason you’d have to stop there). The two upper bulbs are 1.4″ diameter, while the bulb intended to begin the handle is 1.6″. The main shaft is narrower at about 0.9″, with the handle widening to 1.1″. The handle ends bluntly at 1.5″ across, while the inserting end forms a rounded point.
The House of Eros Double wooden dildo is a beautiful looking dildo. There’s no mistaking it. Each dildo is handmade from sapele wood, which may mean variations in exact shape, grain and colour, but I think it’s safe to say that all of them will be gorgeous. The picture on the Sex Toys 123 website is a lovely pale pine-like colour, while mine is a more caramel light-mahogany shade. When you first get out of the bag, it is wonderfully glossy and polished. The shape is elegant and smooth, the feel of it in your hand is wonderful. You’re looking at a toy that is very ergonomically and aesthetically pleasing.
Speaking of pleasing, environmentally pleasing is not normally one of the aspects I consider in my reviews, but is something I feel may definitely be appropriate when talking about wooden toys. Obviously, dildos already have the edge on battery or power hungry vibrators, but wood is also a great material in that it is renewable, recyclable and biodegradable, thus leaving a lot less of an impact on the planet. The plastic packaging doesn’t quite stand up to this, so it’s not perfect, but it may be more eco-friendly than many plastic or even silicone toys.
In terms of whether the wood itself is good and green (compared to other woods), it’s all good news. According to the Good Wood Guide (the things I do for sex toys), sapele wood is often connected to illegal and destructive logging, so to be eco-friendly it should be certified to come from plantations or other forest-friendly sources. House of Eros have assured me that all their wood comes from certified supplies.
The coating on the House of Eros Double wooden dildo is listed on the info sheet as carnauba wax (and erroneously on Sex Toys 123 as “carbona” wax), which is a hypoallergenic and body safe wax often used to coat pills, pipes, cars and sweets. It’s certainly safe to be ingested or inserted, but I found it also very easy to damage. After one normal masturbation session with the House of Eros Double, my dildo was no longer super glossy, but largely very dull with mottled patches of shininess where it presumably hadn’t yet come off.
Here’s the House of Eros Double before first use:
And here’s the dildo again after being used:
Now, I’ll be the first to admit that those photos hardly look striking, but it’s actually incredibly hard to capture on camera. It’s definitely duller than it was, though, I’ve had second opinions in case I’m going mad. Plus, you can still see (although I’ve not been able to get it to photograph!) the areas where it retains is lustre compared to the newer spots where… the wax has worn away? Been abraded? All this from being in my vagina, which is kinda where I expect my dildos to go. The info sheet makes mention of “preserving the shine” with pure beeswax polish or olive oil, but I’m ultimately not particularly happy with a product that drastically loses its shine and smoothness by doing what its designed to do!
Indeed, its perhaps the case that House of Eros themselves feel the same way, as they’re discontinuing this line of dildos shortly to replace them with acrylic coated ones, so keep your ears open for those.
In any case, onto how the toy feels in use. Well, just marvellous, actually! I often feel that downsides, like the shininess issue, irk me even more when the toy is otherwise really good and I feel the same here. The House of Eros Double wooden dildo feels really, really good. The length of it makes it easy to use as there’s lots to grab old of, while the narrowness (combined with the generally smooth, dragless material) makes the House of Eros Double very easy to insert. Lube may not even be required or preferred.
The House of Eros Double is hard and unyielding, meaning I don’t need to thrust like mad and meaning that its very easy to exert pressure where and how I want. Squish has its place, don’t get me wrong, but I love that in a toy.
The two bulbs work together to stimulate you. Either I’m probing the depths of my vagina with the first bulb hitting my A-spot and the second bulb stimulating my entrance or I can use it more shallowly and use the first bulb, or the head I suppose, on my G-spot and front vaginal walls. In fact that’s really where this wooden dildo shines. It’s not curved, but it doesn’t have to be. I can set it right in the right place for my G-spot and then only the slightest of movements back and forth will create delicious pressure and intensity and soon I’m coming hard. It’s really the bulbs and the rigidity, in fact, that make the toy.
The House of Eros Double wooden dildo is a beauty, but a flawed one. Really, the only issue I could possibly have with it is the issue of the coating dulling or even becoming removed, of the toy losing its glossiness and some of its smoothness, but that issue for me is large enough that I can’t outright and wholeheartedly recommend this toy. Not without provisos.
Essentially, it’s a toy that is wonderfully inflexible and hard, without being as heavy and cumbersome as metal or glass. It won’t respond to temperature changes as easily either, which some may prefer. It’s long, making it easy to hold. It’s slim, making it easy to insert. And yet, it’s not disappointing or unfulfilling. It doesn’t need girth to do its job, because it has those wondeful bulbs to do it instead. The head is fantastic at stimulating my G-spot and making me orgasm with very, very little effort. I can thrust with it too, if I want.
Not only that, but it’s environmentally sound. No batteries, no power, no plastics. Recyclable, renewable, ethically sourced, handmade and biodegradable. A real eco-toy.
And it’s beautiful. Smooth, shapely, it feels good in my hands, better in my orifices. It has a naturalness, an earthiness, a beauty not made of “feminine tones” or sparkles or fanciness. It’s just that that beauty dulls. The carnauba wax is not up to keeping shiny when exposed to that most common of dildonic adversaries: the vagina. Is it safe? Well, the wax itself is body safe, but what about the dildo when that wax has faded and rubbed away? How do I know the sealant won’t do the same and turn my toy into bacteria heaven? I suppose I can’t. Which is why I’m likely to research further into this (I’ll report any results) and for now use a condom with it. And that’s just a damn shame. Because what’s the point of having a wooden dildo if I can’t feel that lovely wood up against my skin? Goddamn it, I want to fuck a tree.
So, if you want a rigid toy made of something more unusual and more green than plastic and glass and you don’t mind the coating issue, give the House of Eros Double wooden dildo a go by picking it up from Sex Toys 123. If that all appeals but you can’t get over the coating, look elsewhere for your wooden dildo. Maybe I’ll get sent one that I can compare! ♦