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My Writing Process

I’ve been tagged in a meme-style thing that’s going around at the moment by SheBoppin. And it was really fun to do! I definitely enjoyed writing about writing, even if my writing at the moment is a bit different to how it might be normally.

I believe I’m supposed to tag people at the end to carry on the meme, but frankly I’ve no idea who hasn’t already done one and I’ve also always hated singling people out for stuff like this in case I leave someone out and upset them. So, if you’re reading this blog post and you haven’t done it yourself yet, consider yourself tagged!

Without further ado…

First Off: What am I working on?

I’m not! Or rather I’ve just finished something, so I’m actually between writing projects at the moment. The future, of course, holds more reviews, more Very Short Stories, more posts in general and more submissions to erotica anthologies. In fact, that’s what I’ve just finished. I’ve been a busy bee over the last week or so doing research, plotting, writing and self-editing for an anthology of historical erotica, specifically set in the 1920s.

It was hard! Not only has it been a little while since I’ve written erotic fiction of any real length but I’ve never done historical before. And I may never do so again! I very much enjoyed all my initial research (I’m quite a fan of the ’20s already, which helps), but I found myself researching a lot more during the actual story itself than I’d expected. At some points nearly every sentence required a Google search! Notably, I wasted at least half an hour trying to work out what 1920s department store changing rooms, if any, were like. Then I scrapped that bit entirely anyway. Yay.

In any case, the story’s been accepted, so watch this space for news on the anthology!

How does my work differ from others of its genre?

Well, that depends which of “my work” we’re talking about. when it comes to reviews, I think I probably go into a little more detail than most, which leaves my reviews thorough but perhaps a little lengthy. I’d love to be snappier and punchier with them, like some of my favourite reviewers, but I just can’t bring myself to leave anything out, just in case someone finds it helpful. I also don’t sugar the pill. I’ve seen some reviewers reviewing products that I just can’t believe they’ve actually enjoyed. Sure, people are different, but I sometimes wonder if they’re just much less critical than me.

When it comes to general sex blogging, I think I’m still a rambly but it’s more because of a sort of conversational tone than any thoroughness. Clearly I just can’t shut up. I also like to spatter the blog with geeky references, but, hey, that’s just my life. Full of nerd.

As for erotica, I actually don’t feel I’m really qualified to answer! I’d love to know! And, heck, if you think you know any distinctive features of my erotica, I’d love to know what you think they are. I won’t bite. For some of my erotica, especially my flash fiction, I’ve noticed a bit of a tendency to try to evoke and use nostalgia. I like that and I hope it works well.

Why do I like what I do?

Again, it depends. I’m not actually sure why I like reviews except that I love sex toys, I love having Very Important Opinions and I think I don’t actually suck at reviewing, which is nice. Plus, I enjoy setting up the photos of the toys too.

For writing about my actual sex life, well… I’m not actually sure I do any more. Yeah. Awkward. It’s not that Crush and I don’t have good sex any more, we totally do (and we also have sex which is just “fine”, because that’s relationships), it’s just that I don’t really think I’m interested in blogging about it any more. And I have no idea why. It’s something I’ve not really come to any decision on yet, sort of hoping to avoid it, but it shouldn’t stop me writing the blog.

At “worst”, the focus will shift even more onto reviews, erotica and stuff about sex rather than me going on about me having sex. Because I’m not actually sure what the point of that is any more. I started the blog to be sexual when I felt “real life” wasn’t fit for that. These days, well, I’m a fucking adult, I can talk about sex all I like in real life and anyone who doesn’t like it can go to hell. Not so much need for a specific space for it any more.

As for erotica, well, I’ve always loved to write creatively. I wanted to be an author for quite a chunk of my childhood. And now, whilst I’m not making a living off it (or really trying to at the moment), I guess an author is what I am. Which… still feels a bit fraudulent to say, but, hey, Amazon agrees with me. Writing creatively about sex, incidentally, still absolutely grabs me. I think I might be channelling all my energy for writing erotically about sex into fiction rather than fact, perhaps.

How does my writing process work?

Reviews are easy. During periodic testing, I first jot down anything that leaps out at me about the toy. It all goes into a draft post as it comes out of my head. I rearrange that to suit the flow of a review and then see what else I can mention about the toy when I sit and think about it. I then look back at a previous review of mine and follow that same rough structure, using my notes and adding more details where necessary. Then it’s a quick proofread and post. Done.

For fiction, it’s harder. Er, panic? If the theme of the story needs research (like my latest ’20s one), I research. I think over hooks and ideas for what the plot could be or what my angle on the theme might be. I make notes of snippets or inspirations that appeal to me. I try to find a story that grabs me. I can usually feel whether or not I can make an idea work.

Once I’ve got an idea, I try to hash out a vague order of events or scenes and then I just start writing, beginning to end. Rainy Mood is essential, because silence cripples my creative thought process (but not my other ones). If I’m on a topic that suits music (jazz for the ’20s or tango for Take Your Partner), I can work with one non-intrusive instrumental piece on repeat. No new stimuli.

When I’ve finally finished (I get quicker the further in I go), I get Crush to read over it for typos and inconsistencies. Then I send it to a beta-reader (or two) who is usually the divine and intensely skilled Lady Pandorah. If she likes it, I know it’s not crap. I work on any feedback or clarifications needed and then send it off!

Purple Worm

♦ Gosh, it’s been a while since I’ve participated in Toy With Me Tuesday, hasn’t it? I love good pictures of good sex toys and I have plenty lying around that I’d love to post as well as ideas for several more in my head. But I have, you may be surprised to learn, a relaxed schedule for this blog and whilst that includes minimum posts per time (ideally one a week, one a fortnight as an absolute low if I can’t help it), it also includes maximum posts per time. Whilst I don’t have a set number for this, I start to feel a little spammy if I post more than 2-3 times a week. I know I don’t have the time to read blog posts that regularly, so why should I assume that others do?

So I don’t join in every week, or even every other week, with memes because there are so many that I like that I’d soon end up with posts on Tuesday, Wednesday and Sunday alone without even considering any of my posts that don’t fit into memes. And I certainly don’t want this blog to become just memes (not that there’s anything wrong with that). But I should start contributing more to them here and there, so here’s a little picture for TWMT.

Purple Wurm

I couldn’t call this anything other than “Purple Worm”. The Tantus Purr is almost segmented just like a worm, curves like a worm and its colour, Purple Haze, is undeniably in the lilac camp of Team Purple. Even the background is a purple glitter paradise and I love the contrast between the sharp, in focus glitter in the foreground and the blurry bokeh at the back.

Of course, as a massive geek, Purple Worm is a phrase that brings an entirely different image than this one to mind.

D&D Purple WormYes, rather than an incredibly good textured dildo that I for some reason compared to Rattata, the thing that leaps into my head (dear God, I hope not literally) is the 80 feet long, 40,000lb, entirely made-up Dungeons & Dragons monster. Does that seem like something I want to put near my vagina? Let me quote, “In battle, a purple worm forms into a coil 20 feet in diameter, biting and stinging anything within reach.” So… NOPE.

Luckily, while the D&D Purple Worm has an attack which swallows you whole, this purple worm is instead often subject to an attack that swallows it whole… Ladies. Dear God, why do they let me have a blog again? ♦

Toy with me Tuesday

Bristol Alternative and Burlesque Fair

♦ Last Saturday I, plus Crush and Alt, decided to pop over to Bristol (it’s been too long!) for the Heresy n Heelz Alternative and Burlesque Fair, which also covers fetish and steampunk stuffs. We found our way there, helped in part by my sense of direction, in part by big orange posters on the Bristol Bierkellar and in in part by the staff clearly knowing how to spot one of their own and waving us inside.

There was a bar in front of some seating and a main stage with fetish stalls on the far side of the stage and alternative/burlesque stalls on the near side. I liked that set-up as it meant people who came more for the vanilla side, didn’t have to see collars and cocks if they didn’t want to. I did want to, of course, but we decided to look at the closer stalls first.

There was a lot more variety than I expected: from top hats and dresses to jewellery and knick-knacks. One stall in particular, Madams Pinups, seemed made for me and I happily bought a sexy lady tie and a couple of art prints whilst only just managing not to pick up sexy dishcloths at the same time. Sexy dishcloths! I also bought gothic jewellery from The Dark Attic, a metallic papier maché skull from Jesta Streets and a lovely rockabilly dress.

I was of a mind to pick up a men’s shirt from Rafflesia Designs too. They had one with a lovely subtly-coloured sexy mermaid design, but I baulked at the absolutely extortionate price. Frankly, I just don’t care how much you try to tell me it’s handmade, I’m not paying £60 for one shirt. Such a shame.

My favourite stall of the day, though I didn’t buy anything from it because I’ve no idea where I’d wear it was Beautiful Brastards. Just look at how awesome this is:

Beautiful Brastards

I have to say that for me the fetish side of the stalls was a little personally disappointing. There was a flogger stall, but only one of the floggers interested me and in the end I decided I already have too many I don’t play with enough. One stall sold cheap little colourful candles for wax play, so I bought a blue one to try out. Another sold sex toys and the sorts of kink toys you can get on sex toy sites anyway. And for cheaper.

The only particular stalls of interest fetish-wise were one selling new violet wands, of which Alt bought one that I’m probably going to end up throttling him for (take note, police officers!), and a stall of various discounted kink things. I tried on one of those lovely metal ring collars there, but sadly it was a little too small to fit properly.

I go to fetish fairs not for Fetish Fantasy and LELO, but for handmade kink and small-business smut. It was just a bit lacking.

But the Bristol Alternative and Burlesque Fair wasn’t just stalls, oh no. There were performances too. The two pole dancers were gravity-defying and the burlesque was, on the whole, splendid, if a little devoid of actual stripping. That’s not to say the dancers didn’t, to put it crudely, “get enough out”, but more that they generally started not wearing very much to begin with! I’m used to my burlesque routines going from full outfit to a breeze and a whisper rather than starting fairly skimpy in the first place.

Havana Hurricane’s act was good, but a little generic for my liking. I’m more easily impressed by burlesque with a strong theme, so the other two acts were amazing. First Lou Leigh Blue performed an act called Dystopia.

Lou Leigh Blue - Dystopia

Photo by Fenris Oswin.

You can’t see it here, but there’s a silver BAFTAs-like mask on the back of her head and she at first only “faces” the audience with this, making for a creepy eroticism. It was, in essence, a fan dance with billowing silver wings instead of fans, but I absolutely loved the classic sci-fi look and sound of the performance. Plus, sexy.

Then there was a performance from Angelique Dominique, whose routine looked like this:

Her sexy Blade Runner routine as Pris was very sensual and used sound from the film itself. Again, another piece with an original idea and, I have to say, wonderful geek appeal.

Thankfully, all the acts were very good as the compère was completely abysmal. You could see he was trying to get the crowd more vocal, but sadly his methods consisted of cheap “saucy” humour, being patronising, and displaying a seeming ignorance of informed consent. These sections were, I think, so potentially damaging to the kink scene in terms of impression (given it was a mixed kinky/non-kinky event) and to the concept of consent, that I plan to write a rant. So keep your eyes peeled for that one.

Overall, though, it was a very fun day with good friends and great swag, even though my kinky side was a little disappointed and deprived. Would I recommend the Bristol Alternative and Burlesque Fair? As long as you’re not expecting too much and you can stand the compère, I probably would. I may even go again myself. ♦

Review – LELO Gigi 2

LELO Gigi 2

Disclaimer: I was provided with a free Gigi 2 by LELO in exchange for my honest review. Click any image to embiggen.

♦ The Gigi 2 is a luxury G-spot vibrator made by high-end toymakers LELO, touted as an update of “arguably the most positively reviewed Pleasure Object ever created”. Pleasure Object aside, it’s true that the Gigi 2 is, rather obviously, an update to the Gigi, a toy which I’ve sadly never tried.

LELO Gigi 2 PackagingThe outer packaging of the Gigi 2 is a cardboard box, white on one side with pictures, contents and product blurb. The other sides are the colour of your toy. Inside this is a thick, matte black cardboard box with your Gigi 2 nestled in a velvety cut-out. In a compartment at the end of the box you’ll find the charger, a sachet of LELO lube, a user booklet, an authenticity card and a black satin pouch (which I’ve already lost).

For the Gigi 2 itself, well mine is a lovely vivid electric blue, but it also comes in three other colours: a subtle light grey and the usual pastel pink and magenta. From the coloured silicone, the toy is separated from the white plastic handle by a silver plastic ring or band. Aesthetically I prefer the bandless Mona 2, but that’s up to personal taste.

It’s rechargeable (and keeps charge very well), it’s waterproof, it comes with a travel lock (important for rechargeables) and, being silicone and hard plastic, it’s body-safe and non-porous.

The Gigi 2‘s silicone is essentially a layer over a solid form, meaning that it not only feels incredibly silky and non-draggy (LELO silicone is great), but is also very inflexible. This, for me at least, is important when it comes to clitoral stimulation (I like pressure), but especially so for G-spot stimulation (pressure is one of the major ways that works). And since G-spot orgasms tend to involve a lot of bucking about for me, a solid toy is excellent.

The Gigi 2 is fantastically shaped with a wonderful G-spot curve that makes it almost effortless for me to come that way. Really, sure, if I want a better orgasm, it’s a little more effort, but it feels absolutely great just with lazy penetration. Shape-wise, it’s basically like a smaller (and weaker) PicoBong Moka (made by their own subsidiary) or a vibrating LELO Ella dildo, with that perfect G-spot shape. When I tried to compare them in terms of G-spottiness (technical term), I couldn’t really pick a winner. Just going to have to do more tests!

LELO Gigi 2 SizeFor the size, as I say, it’s smaller than the Moka and it’s shorter, though slightly bulkier, than the Ella. It’s slightly less than an inch in diameter at the narrow neck and only a little bigger at the base of the insertable section.

It’s about 6.5″ long, of which a measly 3.5″ (down to the silver band) is insertable. That’s not too bad if all you’re trying to reach is the usually-not-far-in G-spot, but it leaves only 3″ for the handle and this poses problems.

Its modest size, means there’s almost nothing to grip onto when you’re using it internally. Externally is fine (I’m used to my We-Vibe Tango as a favourite toy, after all), but it practically disappears inside you for G-spot use. And since I like my pressure and my angles, good grip is important.

The control pad on the Gigi 2 is rather awkwardly placed for that too, it’s almost exactly where I want to press for G-spot pressure (unlike the side buttons of the Moka). I don’t know why I don’t have this problem so much with the Mona 2, which has its buttons in the same place, but I’m guessing it’s because the far bigger handle allows me a better grip that doesn’t make so much use of that area .

The control pad is also pretty cramped. Instead of having four wholly separate buttons (again, like the Mona 2), the Gigi 2 has an iPod-style control wheel type interface, which is just less easy to use in the heat of things. Heck, I sometimes even have trouble turning it off AFTER the heat of things. It isn’t *horrible*, but then I see it sitting next to the Mona 2

Yes, this is going to be a theme.

One of the things that does make it perhaps a superior sex toy for certain purposes is its broad, flat head. Whilst I prefer pinpoint stimulation for my clit, what really counts is the pressure and solid broad head vibrators come a close second. More importantly, the head is, at least to me, just better for G-spot stimulation than anything rounded or pointed or what have you.

LELO Gigi 2 Shape

If you’re keen on vibrations on your G-spot (and if you’re not, I’m not sure why you wouldn’t just buy a dildo, like the Ella), you’re going to probably be a little disappointed with the Gigi 2. Heck, if you’re using it on your clitoris, you might be a little disappointed too: it’s just not that powerful. LELO claims to have made it 100% more powerful than its first incarnation, but I haven’t tried that so I can’t comment. What I can say is that it’s… wait for it… not nearly as powerful as the Mona 2. Or even the battery-powered PicoBong Moka!

It’s… fine? Fairly decent? If you’re keen on power, this likely won’t be enough. For most people, well, it’s probably OK. The highest setting will get me off clitorally, but it will also leave me wanting more. Since I don’t need G-spot vibration to make a G-spot orgasm, I didn’t mind that the vibrations were a little pathetic internally. I can only assume they didn’t put the superior motor of the Mona 2 and Ina 2 into the Gigi 2 because of space constraints, but considering the handle is too small anyway, that just makes the size issue even more vexing.

So, the strength is decent but not stellar, but what about the vibration modes? Well, the Gigi 2 has a fair few of them eight in total (including steady vibration), and they’re a good variety. There are pulses of varying speeds, ramps (weak to strong, repeated), two  type of hills/rollercoasters (weak to strong to weak, repeated) and a crazy random everything-goes mode which PicoBong would call “Bumper Cars”, but which LELO neglects to name.

And it’s quiet too. Very, very quiet indeed. Even on full whack, the Gigi 2 sounds a bit like a phone on vibrate. On the lower settings, you probably wouldn’t even notice it was on in the same room. It’s certainly quieter than my computer.

CONCLUSION

LELO have made a toy that is fine. Even decent, good. Honestly, when you look at some of the things I review, this is a good toy. It’s just not fabulous. It’s body-safe, which is very important, but that’s not so much ” a plus” as “not a slapped wrist and a rant”. It’s rechargeable and waterproof. It’s very pretty and comes in some good colours and in lovely packaging that’s great for gifting. Where it does well, the shape of the toy, especially for use on the G-spot, it does incredibly well. I love the shape.

The size would not be a problem for me if I only I had something to hold on to. It needs a longer handle. We may disagree on whether it needs more length or girth inside. It needs better controls, though the ones it has aren’t terrible on their own. It needs more vroom. It is not keeping up with the rest of its extended family on that front.

And that’s just it, really, isn’t it? Mona, and even Moka, have just ruined me for the Gigi. Big sister Mona 2 is stronger, bigger, perhaps even more beautiful, and easier to manipulate. All the Gigi 2 has over it is its shape. Cousin Moka is also bigger and stronger, though not itself nearly as strong as the Mona 2, but it comes from a different family: cheaper but also non-rechargeable. It has an appetite for batteries. And if you were never really in it for the vibrations, but just that glorious shape, there’s little sister Ella too. Still small, but easier to handle and ultimately uncomplicated.

Again, this is a good toy, but £79 is a fair whack. For that, you should get a fair whack. And I’m just not sure the Gigi 2 ultimately provides it. But if the shape is important and you need vibrations, but not the strongest ever, and you want a rechargeable toy, well, Gigi 2 it is. And if that is you, you can get it here. ♦

Valentine’s Day Sex Toy Selections

♦ It’s February and in the world of doin’ it and talkin’ about it, that can mean only one thing. Yes, Valentine’s Day, which sex-based businesses make the mistake of referring to as “VD” but once in their business lives. No, really, I’ve seen it done.

Valentine’s, of course, means a big ole marketing push. “How we can we get people to buy more things to put in their orifices?” “How do you make a hashtag romantic?” “Do lovebirds and analbeads mesh in any way?”

The way most e-retailers promote to us is by having a dedicated Valentine’s Day toy selection, but I’ve noticed a trend among sex toy shops online. That’s right, don’t fret! If you’re confused about how to market Valentine’s Day toys to your customers and which ones to recommend for that special day, it turns out  it’s deceptively simple!

After looking at how the professionals do it, I’ve made this handy-dandy flowchart:

How to recommend a sex toy for Valentine's Day

The Dildo on the Wall

♦ Look what I found!

Dildo Graffiti

Yes, it seems some enterprising young things in my city have discovered the word “dildo”. What strange graffiti! I’m used to seeing tags and vaguely anarchist or anti-capitalist slogans alongside, of course, plenty of scribbles and pictures, but I don’t tend to see random words just dotted around. Unless someone’s tag is dildo..?

Anyway, the “artist” and I certainly share one thing in common: “dildo” is an awesome word. For an awesome thing! ♦

House of Eros Double wooden dildo

House of Eros Double Wooden Dildo

Disclaimer: I was provided with a free House of Eros Double wooden dildo by Sex Toys 123 in exchange for my honest review. Click pictures to embiggen.

♦ The House of Eros Double wooden dildo, sold by Sex Toys 123, is long, slim, handcrafted sex toy made by kinksters House of Eros. I was particularly excited to try my very first wooden dildo (after conquering plastic, silicone, glass, metal and ceramic) and to add another sex toy achievement to my imaginary list. House of Eros make six different shapes of wooden dildo, all made from the same wood in the same way. Mine is the Double, but you can also buy the TripleBalls, Egg, Pointed Egg and Two of Spades.

House of Eros Double packagingThe packaging  is very basic. It comes in a bag that is a sort of clear plastic sleeve with stapled on cardboard branding on the top. You have to tear the packaging to get into it, but you may find it still works fine for storage if you tear/cut it sensibly.

Inside the bag is the dildo itself along with an A4 piece of paper that serves as the manual for the toy. It contains a little bit of backstory on the art of wooden dildos, information on the process of making the toy and the finish used (even if the information is only the name and “take a look at Wikipedia online”), as well as care instructions.

NEW TO WOOD?

The first question most of you are thinking of involves splinters; don’t panic. Reputable makers of wooden sex toys (and, let’s face it, disreputable makers of any sex toys are going to give you a bad time) take great care in shaping, sanding, burnishing and polishing their dildos to make sure that there are absolutely no rough surfaces or chances of splinters. Depending on the quality of your toy and its finish, you may find it begin to roughen over time, so buy responsibly and make sure to examine your dildo before use for any imperfections. Try not to drop the wooden toy on hard surfaces, as it may chip.

Wooden toys, again from reputable companies, are non-porous thanks to their sealant. These sealants and polishes are chosen to be body safe and hypoallergenic, though you may want to check particulars before buying. To be extra careful, it’s best not to boil or dishwasher wooden toys. Instead, wipe down your item with water and anti-bacterial soap. Wood should last a lifetime if it is treated well (no cleaning it with a scourer!).

Lastly, be careful with yourself. Wood, while not as heavy as glass and metal, is a very hard material. Wooden toys do not flex or give. It would be relatively easy to get a bit overly keen and bruise yourself, but on the up side, this unforgiving material makes for some very intense sensations, especially if you like to apply pressure.

THE HOUSE OF EROS DOUBLE WOODEN DILDO

In terms of size, the House of Eros Double is rather slim and very long.

House of Eros Double sizeIt measures a good 12″ long, in fact, with around 9″ intended to be insertable. The widest points of the main bulbs come at around 1″ and 4.5″ from the tip, with another flare at 9″ at the start of the handle (though there’s no reason you’d have to stop there). The two upper bulbs are 1.4″ diameter, while the bulb intended to begin the handle is 1.6″. The main shaft is narrower at about 0.9″, with the handle widening to 1.1″. The handle ends bluntly at 1.5″ across, while the inserting end forms a rounded point.

The House of Eros Double wooden dildo is a beautiful looking dildo. There’s no mistaking it. Each dildo is handmade from sapele wood, which may mean variations in exact shape, grain and colour, but I think it’s safe to say that all of them will be gorgeous. The picture on the Sex Toys 123 website is a lovely pale pine-like colour, while mine is a more caramel light-mahogany shade. When you first get out of the bag, it is wonderfully glossy and polished. The shape is elegant and smooth, the feel of it in your hand is wonderful. You’re looking at a toy that is very ergonomically and aesthetically pleasing.

Speaking of pleasing, environmentally pleasing is not normally one of the aspects I consider in my reviews, but is something I feel may definitely be appropriate when talking about wooden toys. Obviously, dildos already have the edge on battery or power hungry vibrators, but wood is also a great material in that it is renewable, recyclable and biodegradable, thus leaving a lot less of an impact on the planet. The plastic packaging doesn’t quite stand up to this, so it’s not perfect, but it may be more eco-friendly than many plastic or even silicone toys.

In terms of whether the wood itself is good and green (compared to other woods), it’s all good news. According to the Good Wood Guide (the things I do for sex toys), sapele wood is often connected to illegal and destructive logging, so to be eco-friendly it should be certified to come from plantations or other forest-friendly sources. House of Eros have assured me that all their wood comes from certified supplies.

The coating on the House of Eros Double wooden dildo is listed on the info sheet as carnauba wax (and erroneously on Sex Toys 123 as “carbona” wax), which is a hypoallergenic and body safe wax often used to coat pills, pipes, cars and sweets. It’s certainly safe to be ingested or inserted, but I found it also very easy to damage. After one normal masturbation session with the House of Eros Double, my dildo was no longer super glossy, but largely very dull with mottled patches of shininess where it presumably hadn’t yet come off.

Here’s the House of Eros Double before first use:

House of Eros Double shiny

And here’s the dildo again after being used:

House of Eros Double dull

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that those photos hardly look striking, but it’s actually incredibly hard to capture on camera. It’s definitely duller than it was, though, I’ve had second opinions in case I’m going mad. Plus, you can still see (although I’ve not been able to get it to photograph!) the areas where it retains is lustre compared to the newer spots where… the wax has worn away? Been abraded? All this from being in my vagina, which is kinda where I expect my dildos to go. The info sheet makes mention of “preserving the shine” with pure beeswax polish or olive oil, but I’m ultimately not particularly happy with a product that drastically loses its shine and smoothness by doing what its designed to do!

Indeed, its perhaps the case that House of Eros themselves feel the same way, as they’re discontinuing this line of dildos shortly to replace them with acrylic coated ones, so keep your ears open for those.

In any case, onto how the toy feels in use. Well, just marvellous, actually! I often feel that downsides, like the shininess issue, irk me even more when the toy is otherwise really good and I feel the same here. The House of Eros Double wooden dildo feels really, really good. The length of it makes it easy to use as there’s lots to grab old of, while the narrowness (combined with the generally smooth, dragless material) makes the House of Eros Double very easy to insert. Lube may not even be required or preferred.

The House of Eros Double is hard and unyielding, meaning I don’t need to thrust like mad and meaning that its very easy to exert pressure where and how I want. Squish has its place, don’t get me wrong, but I love that in a toy.

The two bulbs work together to stimulate you. Either I’m probing the depths of my vagina with the first bulb hitting my A-spot and the second bulb stimulating my entrance or I can use it more shallowly and use the first bulb, or the head I suppose, on my G-spot and front vaginal walls. In fact that’s really where this wooden dildo shines. It’s not curved, but it doesn’t have to be. I can set it right in the right place for my G-spot and then only the slightest of movements back and forth will create delicious pressure and intensity and soon I’m coming hard. It’s really the bulbs and the rigidity, in fact, that make the toy.

House of Eros Double tipCONCLUSION

The House of Eros Double wooden dildo is a beauty, but a flawed one. Really, the only issue I could possibly have with it is the issue of the coating dulling or even becoming removed, of the toy losing its glossiness and some of its smoothness, but that issue for me is large enough that I can’t outright and wholeheartedly recommend this toy. Not without provisos.

Essentially, it’s a toy that is wonderfully inflexible and hard, without being as heavy and cumbersome as metal or glass. It won’t respond to temperature changes as easily either, which some may prefer. It’s long, making it easy to hold. It’s slim, making it easy to insert. And yet, it’s not disappointing or unfulfilling. It doesn’t need girth to do its job, because it has those wondeful bulbs to do it instead. The head is fantastic at stimulating my G-spot and making me orgasm with very, very little effort. I can thrust with it too, if I want.

Not only that, but it’s environmentally sound. No batteries, no power, no plastics. Recyclable, renewable, ethically sourced, handmade and biodegradable. A real eco-toy.

And it’s beautiful. Smooth, shapely, it feels good in my hands, better in my orifices. It has a naturalness, an earthiness, a beauty not made of “feminine tones” or sparkles or fanciness. It’s just that that beauty dulls. The carnauba wax is not up to keeping shiny when exposed to that most common of dildonic adversaries: the vagina. Is it safe? Well, the wax itself is body safe, but what about the dildo when that wax has faded and rubbed away? How do I know the sealant won’t do the same and turn my toy into bacteria heaven? I suppose I can’t. Which is why I’m likely to research further into this (I’ll report any results) and for now use a condom with it. And that’s just a damn shame. Because what’s the point of having a wooden dildo if I can’t feel that lovely wood up against my skin? Goddamn it, I want to fuck a tree.

So, if you want a rigid toy made of something more unusual and more green than plastic and glass and you don’t mind the coating issue, give the House of Eros Double wooden dildo a go by picking it up from Sex Toys 123. If that all appeals but you can’t get over the coating, look elsewhere for your wooden dildo. Maybe I’ll get sent one that I can compare! ♦

HedoVibes Round Up #15

toywithme

Photo courtesy of SunkissedJess

Welcome to HedoVibes, a collection of reviews and giveaways that were posted in the past week or so from around the web. This is a collection of adult product reviews & contests from real reviewers. If you want to be included in the next edition? Start with the guidelines then use the submission form. Want to read more reviews? Check out HedoVibes for a list of the latest reviews and stellar reviewers. You can also follow on twitter for the latest round ups. HedoVibes is also accepting photo submissions for each edition.

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Review – Tantus Cush O2 Dildo

Tantus Cush O2


Disclaimer: I was provided with a free Tantus Cush O2 by Tantus in exchange for my honest review. Click pictures to embiggen.

♦ The Cush O2 by Tantus is a large dildo made from Tantus’ O2 silicone, meaning it features dual densities of silicone. The supersoft white silicone forms a squishy layer over the firm density blue (in my case, as I have the Ice colour option, rather than purple Twilight or pink candy), providing varying sensations, especially around this toy’s prominent second ridge.

Tantus Cush PackagingThe packaging is the standard Tantus fare: lovely and eye-catching to look at, simple, non-tacky yet also not overly discreet (what with being see-through). It sadly doesn’t always hold up well to being used for storage and may split. I tend to keep my Tantus dildos in storage bags as they pick up dust and lint very easily. Don’t worry about storing them together, they’re super-safe.

As I say, you can get your Tantus Cush O2 in one of three colours, but I absolutely love my Ice one. It’s a gorgeous, ethereal blue and white combination that looks a little like liquid nitrogen over a deep pond. The effect is thanks to the aforementioned O2 dual-layer silicone: where the top layer is thinner, such as just below the toy’s second ridge, the blue comes through more. It really does look icy.

Tantus Cush SizeIt also has an interesting look in terms of shape: somewhere between realism (with the head of the dildo) and non-representational (the simple shape and added ridge). Size-wise, the Tantus Cush O2 is very long and girthy, certainly one for the Size Lovers.

The Tantus Cush O2 is just under 8″ long with just over 7″ insertable, 1.8″ diameter on the shaft and around 1.9″ on the widest part of the (admittedly squishy) head.

I certainly needed a warm up on every occasion (and yet I didn’t always with the Tantus Max O2, which is actually bigger. Is it the Cush or am I losing my touch? I’ve decided it’s probably neither but very well might be the effects of stress on my body). I also needed a healthy dollop of lubricant. On the first few times I tried it, it felt uncomfortable even with other toys beforehand, but I think that’s down to me not quite getting myself in the mood as much as I should have. Recently I’ve given it a go and, in a better mood and having got used to the toy, it’s felt wonderfully comfortable very quickly and stayed that way even after I’m done. No soreness, no “I’ve pushed myself a bit far”.

Coupled with its size, it’s also a very firm dildo in terms of flexibility, with very little give. It stands up dead straight on its base with no support. You can bend it, but it takes two hands and a fair bit of effort.

What helps with the size and relatively unbending nature of the Tantus Cush is that it’s O2 silicone: it’s got a hard core but a gloriously squishy outer layer. OK, so the matte texture gives it a fair bit of drag, but the squishiness more than compensates for any problems that might cause. In the case of the Cush, the dildo gets squishier the nearer the bulbous tip it gets. In fact, I’d say at least the top inch is all squish (which serves to make insertion easier than it otherwise would be) and is therefore much gentler than its rather pointy shape would suggest.

Tantus Cush Tip

The only places where you may find the shape a little troublesome are the ridges. Or in all likeliness, like me, you might find them incredibly stimulating instead! The Tantus Cush O2 has two ridges, one where you might expect at the base of the head (the corona) and one pronounced one that starts about three inches from the base of the shaft on the top. Neither of these ridges affect the bottom side of the shaft, which is very smooth.

Tantus Cush RidgeThese two ridges really stimulate the front vaginal wall and can even pleasure the G-spot (not everything has to be curved to hit it!). They do for mine. Since both the ridges are made from the supersoft material, they’re much more forgiving than they look and make you feel wonderful rather than catching horribly.

In fact, the Tantus Cush O2 is so good at stimulating me, I found I only really needed very small movements to feel absolutely amazing. It was very easy to come. and you don’t need to pound away, which is probably good considering the size.

CONCLUSION

The Tantus Cush O2 is a fantastic toy from a fantastic company that makes fantastic products. There is really only about one thing I could think of that could make it unsuitable for someone and that is the size. It’s big. It’s not for everyone. If you can’t see yourself coping with a girthy toy like this, try something else Tantus makes. The Tantus Flurry O2, for example, is the same length, material and colour range and features two ridges, but is only 1.5″ in diameter.

If you can see yourself working up to this girth, or you’re already a full-on Size Lover, then I think you’ll love this toy. It’s got all the usual Tantus qualities of being absolutely body-safe, sterilisable, non-porous and made of 100% high-quality platinum O2 silicone. It’s anal-safe, if you’re bold, and harness-compatible thanks to its flared base. It’s big and firm, but with a lovely layer of squish on top. And, most of all, it has those two fantastic ridges, particularly the second one, which rub the front walls of your vagina and stimulate your G-spot (or at least mine) with the slightest effort.

What’s more, it’s beautiful, too. So I’d suggest you rush out (well, online) right now and buy the Cush O2 from the lovely guys at Tantus. You deserve it. ♦

iCollection Plus Size Eyelash Lace and Satin Chemise Review

iCollection Plus Size Eyelash Lace and Satin Chemise

Disclaimer: I was provided with a free iCollection Plus Size Eyelash Lace and Satin Chemise by Lovehoney in exchange for my honest review. Click any image to embiggen.

♦ The iCollection Plus Size Eyelash Lace and Satin Chemise (hereafter, the iCollection Eyelash Chemise), sold by Lovehoney, is a beautiful item of lingerie designed for the fuller figure. Or, as I tend to call myself, fat. Because it’s true. Anyway, it’s a chemise with light wiring and padding on the bra cups and a bra closure at the back, sheer black mesh panels on the flanks and, elsewhere, on the middle panel and cups (as well as a small panel on the backside), a lovely silver satin with eyelash lace detail. It also comes with a very basic mesh G-string.

iCollection Plus Size Eyelash Lace and Satin Chemise FrontSo, first things first, just look at it. The iCollection Eyelash Chemise is absolutely gorgeous and is exactly the kind of lingerie I normally go for. The black mesh flanks are flattering and sensual, the silver satin is glossy and classy and the eyelash lace means there is just enough detail to keep it all interesting. It’s intricate without being too floofy or fussy.

The long line of the chemise skims the underside of my bottom and smooths out your silhouette without being too restrictive or overly long.

And I love the colour. It’s not girly or overly feminine. In fact, it’s very neutral and yet still elegant and sexy and beautiful. Even the big bow nestled between the cups is awesome. Basically, it looks great from the front.

From the back I’m slightly less keen as the satin panel has no lace detail, leaving it a bit plain, and the big, open keyhole-ish back under the fastening reveals perhaps a bit too much of my wobbly back around the base of the shoulders. It’s a little unflattering. But the way it skims my arse cheeks is lovely and it’s undeniably sexy when I bend forward and the chemise pulls up to reveal my bum.

iCollection Plus Size Eyelash Lace and Satin Chemise Back

I requested a size 2X iCollection Eyelash Chemise, which, according to the size guide (which lists it as an 18-20), has a 40″-46″ bust, a 34″-38″ waist and 42″-46″ hips and should correspond to a UK dress size 20, which I am (at least on the bottom half). Now, this is where the numbers and the fit don’t seem to match up. I wear a size 38C bra (which is probably technically the wrong size for me, but fits well and I’m used to it) and I’ve just measured myself up as a roughly 46″ bust (so far so right), a 41″ waist (hence why I buy 36″ corsets) and 52″ hips (because my hips are badonk-a-donk and the word “childbearing” is apt, though hilariously wasted).

That said, the areas where the numbers should mean it’s too small, my waist and hips, fit very well indeed (not loose, but nowhere near too snug, a pleasant cling), but the area that should fit perfectly, my bust, just doesn’t fit at all. At least, the back size roughly fits (I actually think the lack of support in the back strap compounds the issue), but the cup size is, sadly, too big. This leads to my boobs sinking down into the cup too much, which does two things: it doesn’t look so great and it doesn’t feel so great.

iCollection Plus Size Eyelash Lace and Satin Chemise Breasts
How the bust looks like WITH severe fluffing. It doesn’t stay this way without an additional bra.

It looks pretty awful when your bra is clearly too big for you. It makes your boobs look small, even when they’re not. It looks clumsy, ill-fitting, unsexy. My usual eye-taking-out cleavage is reduced to a sad display unless I fluff it up almost constantly.

And that feels rubbish too. I wore it for the day with no other support to see what it was like and it was deeply uncomfortable due to the bust size. My back hurt and I felt boobless even though the cups held their shape under my top, almost as if I was wearing airbags. It was disturbing, actually.

I found that I could mostly solve the problem by wearing my favourite bra underneath the iCollection Eyelash Chemise to fit properly and have any actual support (as I say, I don’t think the bra strap on the chemise is firm enough), but that wasn’t ideal either as the cups of the chemise would then slowly ride up over the bra a little over the evening, meaning I’d have to re-adjust every now and again.

It’s disappointing, because I don’t see much point having really beautiful lingerie if it doesn’t complement your really beautiful body. Without supporting my breasts like some of my other lingerie or everyday bras, I’m left looking a bit deflated instead of absolute wowza. A shame.

iCollection Plus Size Eyelash Lace and Satin Chemise G-String

The G-string, at least, fit very well indeed. My problem areas for fitting into clothes tend to be shoulders and the whole hip/stomach area, which can make finding good knickers a pain. But the elastic is incredibly stretchy, yet firm, and in fact was so well sized for me that it didn’t really even need to stretch at all, it just clung right. In fact, if anything, the elastic might be too generous, because I found myself wearing it pretty high up on my hips, much higher than usual. But it felt comfy, posed no problems and didn’t even give me a wedgie as often as I might expect from a G-string. It looks basic, sure, but it does the job very well.

CONCLUSION

The iCollection Plus Size Eyelash Lace and Satin Chemise makes me a little sad. It looks so gorgeous, but it hides a real flaw for me. When I put it on, my boobs are lost in its voluminous cups and the look is unflattering and unsexy. If I fluff and don’t move too much (untenable outside of brief bedroom sorties), it looks good. If I wear my favourite bra underneath it to give my breasts actual support, it looks good. But neither is perfect and neither really holds up for convenient wear throughout the day, which, although not necessary, is in my list of lingerie wants. Too-big bra cups aside, it fits like a dream, is super comfy for something so classy and looks divine.

So, if you’re a big girl with even bigger breasts (I’d say it’d probably best fit D-cups and above, at a guess), go all out for this seriously beautiful and comfortable lingerie and pick up the iCollection Plus Size Eyelash Lace and Satin Chemise from Lovehoney today. If, like me, you’re a big girl with modest boobs for your size, perhaps give it a miss unless you don’t mind needing extra support. ♦