I’m Bringing Sexy Back (Bacon)

♦ Weep, friends, weep! A tragedy has befallen us! It seems that the mighty (and indeed meaty) Baconlube has been discontinued at Lovehoney. *Sobs*

OK, so when I reviewed Baconlube this time last year, I wasn’t the most wowed ever at its baconosity, but I’m sad to see it go. It. Was. Bacon. Flavoured. Lubricant. I mean, that’s just amazing. That’s just the kind of thing that makes my heart soar. I love the junction between sex and pop culture and I love to see sex not taken entirely seriously. Sure, you can still get the stuff at the main Baconlube site, but it’s not quite the same. It’s the end of a delicious, bacony era.

So, in sombre memorial of the passing of Baconlube in Britain, I’m finally posting some pictures that I found in celebration of sex-n-bacon way back when it was first released over here.

Look, don’t sigh. It was hard to find these. It had suddenly just occurred to me that the Internet loves naked people and the Internet loves bacon (possibly even more), so the tubes should be full of greasy, poorly shot bacon-related wank-fodder, right?

Not so. Behold, the entire lot of “sexy” bacon-porn I found in my arduous search. You’re welcome.

Literally (bite me) everyone and their mum has seen this picture, but it’s a classic. Warning: if you already think this one sucks, you may not want to continue scrolling down…
UPDATE: I have been remiss in my duty! In my search I missed this bacon bra picture, this pretty one and this super hot one!

Now some entrants from the Tacky Bedroom Porn category. Check out that bacon shine around her nethers in the second!

Mmm… fat-coated…

Don’t worry, the next one is a far more professional approach to draping yourself in dead pig. Thank God, I was worried my blog was going to start looking unclassy.

For those of us on the kinkier side, fear not. I have not forbacon you. This woman has a GLORIOUS BACON WAND and she looks very much like she wants to whip you with it.

Is that a thing? Is there a “being caned with a stick of purest bacon” fetish? Well, if there wasn’t before, there is now. But fuck, I’ve seen an entire subreddit dedicated to dragons having sex with cars today, so I’ll bloody believe anything.

And don’t think those who prefer man meat with their, er, meat have been left out either. Oh, no. Whilst barely a dozen pieces of bacon-based pr0n seem to exist on the Net, the men are getting in on the act too. If you do not love the latter of these pictures, I just don’t know what’s wrong with you.

Because that is fucking fantastic. And, let’s not forget why we started this whole post (why, oh, why did we start this whole post?), it’s in the exact damn spirit of Baconlube too! Not taking yourself too seriously, not being po-faced about sex and sexuality and loving bacon far more than is reasonable. Winning.

Baconlube, you may be gone from my favourite retailer but I, and these bizarre meat-festooned naked folk from the Internet, salute you.

Anyone else horny hungry? ♦