Review – Fun Factory Stronic Eins

Disclaimer: I was provided with a free Fun Factory Stronic Eins by Lovehoney in exchange for my honest review. Click any image to embiggen.

♦ The Stronic Eins, made by German manufacturer of exciting and colourful sex objects Fun Factory and sold by Lovehoney, is a toy whose very name (to me, at least) conjures images of lasers, tanks, spaceships and German industrial metal. If you’re calling it the Stronic One, you’re doing it a disservice. Because Stronic Eins sounds awesome.

The charger for the Stronic Eins is sold separately, which is a bit of a pain, but it works with all Fun Factory toys, so you’ll only ever need that one charger, which is both a boon for the environment and the local supply of cable tidies.

It charges, incidentally, for two to three hours for about two hours of play and does so via a little magnetic port on the base. If you’re used to the magnetic charger on the We-Vibe Tango or Salsa, don’t fret, this is much stronger and more likely to stay in place than that. Plus, it makes the Stronic waterproof, which is ace.

Stronic ButtonsThe Stronic Eins is very simple to use. The big, red FUN button turns the toy on and off and you use + and – to cycle through the various modes.

Since it won’t turn on unless you press the FUN button for about a second or so, it effectively comes with a travel lock feature. It also turns off instantly when the FUN button is pressed, making it handy in terms of discretion.

The Stronic Eins is made from body-safe silicone with an unusually matte surface. It really picks up dust, but not dirt and hair so much, and it’s very hard to keep clean because of that. It feels a lot like a rubber (or eraser, if you’re from “forn parts”, as Nanny Ogg would say) and so doesn’t feel that nice to stroke. Some may be put off by the micro-texture, but I couldn’t feel it during use. The handle is made from ABS plastic.

The toy is 9″ long, with 5″ insertable. Diameter-wise, it is 1.3″ at the tip, 1.6″ on the bulk of the shaft and then 1.8″ on the so-called “clitoral stimulator”, which is the effective base of the insertable section. The first inch and a half of the shaft from the tip is pure silicone, then the rest is silicone over a hard shell. This makes the tip of the toy very flexible and pretty squishable.

The shape of the Stronic Eins is, I feel, the mark of a toy that wants to please all of the people all of the time. The handle is ergonomic, which I can’t fault, with a slight downward curve towards the end to fit the grip (and the slightly matte plastic helps here). But it’s the shaft that confuses me.

The shape of the Fun Factory Stronic Eins Pulsator

Let’s get it out of the way: this thing is not going to stimulate your clitoris, whether you call the extra inch or so of silicone at the bottom of the insertable portion a “clitoral stimulator” or not. Like Epiphora says, everyone knows the truth. On the plus side, because it goes nowhere near my clitoris, it doesn’t get in the way of my ever more obsessive Tango usage either.

Furthermore, it’s a toy focused on pulsating and yet I’ve seen several places point out that it “curves slightly at the tip so it’s perfectly poised to stimulate your G-spot”. And it does curve at the tip, but it’s so very shallow that I’m buggered if it so much as brushes my G-spot. And that flexible tip means that it’d be especially useless at G-spot pressure even if it could find mine.

The curves look nice and the bump is harmless, they just don’t do anything. Luckily, I guess that’s not really what you’re buying when you buy the Stronic Eins. What you’re buying is an amazing new technology that makes your “vibrator” a “pulsator”. You’re buying a toy that thrusts: a toy that works because it has a weight mechanism inside it that moves physically back and forth, instead of the usual rotating motor.

(Please forgive the first 30 secs or so of this video, some weird warp filter has accidentally been applied. A fix will be coming when I get back to my PC)

The Fun Factory Stronic Eins comes with ten different modes. When you turn it on, you find yourself on a low constant back and forth, and pressing + will take you to three faster variations of the same thing. Past these are the “dynamic” modes: three different variations of mixed up pattern and speed. If you press – from your start point instead of +, you get the three “algorithmic” modes, which Crush (my resident maths expert) points out means basically nothing in this context. What they are are sort of jerky versions of the constant back and forth, decreasing in speed, with the last mode in this direction being a very determined thud-thud. All of the modes are surprisingly quiet.

When I first switched the Stronic Eins on in my hands, my first impression was: wow. This thing is, no joke, moving my forearm back and forth. You can feel the weight thrusting inside it and it actually looks and feels (in a “steam phallus” sort of way) like it has a life of its own.

When I first used the Stronic Eins, my first impression was: I don’t even. I did not get it, I did not know what to make of it. Perhaps not having the manual (my tester model came alone with no packaging) was a disadvantage here (although having seen most manuals, I doubt it’s that informative), but I just didn’t seem to know how best to use the Stronic to get the most out of it. What depth? What angle? How firm to hold it?

On the second use, I had an epiphany. It felt pretty good.

I find that the Fun Factory Stronic Eins works much better if you hold it fairly loosely and let it do its thing, rather than holding onto it tightly and and being forceful with it, as I often am with my dildos. I normally like force and pressure, so I was trying to shove the thing inside me, but it works a lot more satisfyingly when it can move about as it wants to. It’s a little counter-intuitive at first if you manhandle your toys the way I do, but it works much better. I was elated and thought I’d cracked it.

Sadly, on subsequent uses, I’ve lost that spark again. I’m still holding it loosely, still experimenting with different modes and angles, but it just seems not to amount to much. My enjoyment of the Stronic Eins is mercurial, fleeting. I find that it often feels “quite nice” rather than “[incomprehensible moaning noise]”.

There are modes I prefer: the first mode as you turn it on, the very fast constant mode and the very last “algorithmic” mode, the one that’s the jerky-thud-thud, but it’s a trial to get to orgasm with it. It feels more like something is shaking inside me than thrusting and there isn’t nearly enough depth to its “pulsating”, not enough in and out. I’ve found that it feels very good when I thrust with it as I would with a normal dildo, but it’s a thrusting dildo, I shouldn’t have to do that myself! That’s not the point!

Heck, I’ve even heard one or two sources refer to the Stronic Eins as “life-like” and incredibly close to the “real thing”. It’s just not true. (That’s not to say I need my toys to pretend to be a penis, I’m just making the distinction.) If this is how your lover fucks you, you may want to check they’re not the Judderman. It does not move like a real-life cock or dildo or strap-on, it shudders. It moves like a pneumatic drill, and not in a “bad erotica metaphor” way.

The Stronic Eins in monochrome

CONCLUSION

Beware the Stronic Eins, my dear, when the moon is fat… That is to say, look, it’s made of great material by a great company with great quality and a great interface. The technology is new, the technology is impressive and shiny and I really, really want for it to go on to great things. I’m just not sure that the Stronic Eins itself is a great thing.

There are several reviews out there that love this toy. You might yourself love this toy. But I don’t. Sometimes it feels very good, sometimes it feels completely meh, it always feels interesting and mostly it feels just quite nice. I don’t masturbate for “quite nice”. I just can’t seem to hate the Stronic or really enjoy it either.

I’ll borrow something I said in my review of the Lovehoney Sqweel 2 here: “I want to love it for offering me something truly different from my usual fare, but it’s too unreliable for me.” And that’s what it comes down to. It’s very interesting and I’m glad to have tried it, but if I’d spent all £128.99 of my own money on it, I’d be so upset. If you have money to spare and you’re desperate for a new sensation or you’re really into riding something that shudders like me seeing a jelly toy, buy it now from Lovehoney. Otherwise, you’ll likely want to give this one a miss. ♦

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