♦ I’d like to say that by now the news that jelly toys are bad should come as no shock to you, but I’ve learned how easy it is to happily wank away without knowing what’s going inside you. So I’ll say it again: jelly toys are BAD.
You’ll have seen me mention this before on the blog when I talked about my own experience with a jelly ‘dong’ that gave me burning sensations and serious discomfort. Yes, it burned. Yes, it put me in pain. But I think the worst part might even be that I had no idea it wasn’t my fault. I thought I was hurting myself through impatience. I thought it was the price I paid for a sneaky midnight wank.
It might sound like I am, but I’m not stupid. I was in the sex blogging world, I was sexually open and inquisitive and I still didn’t know about the dangers of jelly and phthalates and all sorts of horrible chemical crap. Please take the time to educate yourself on this stuff if you haven’t already. It’s in your interests.
And, for the love of all that is orgasmic, throw out any old jelly toys you have lying around. Replace them with silicone alternatives if you like, they’re better quality, safer and will last longer.
In fact, I pulled out anything jelly from my toy drawer a while ago and have been waiting to give them suitably violent deaths. The Savanna jelly ‘dong’? That’ll have to wait for something spectacular for all the pain that’s given me. But for now I thought I’d settle with ripping apart my old version 1.0 Jessica Rabbit.
Yup, turns out one of my first ever toys is jelly too. Can you see it’s gone a bit crappy and mucky and has picked up a few black marks on it? That’ll be a giveaway then. (All these photos can be seen embiggened on the clickthrough, BTW)
It’s a shame, as I quite enjoyed this toy back in the days before I discovered dildos. And it never burnt me like the Savanna ‘dong’ did. (No, I won’t stop putting that word in quotes). But it’s clearly porous and icky, the marks show me that. So it has to go.
Getting the little beads out of their chamber was quite fun, though they were a little… greasy at first. They’re plastic, though, and pretty, so I’ve kept them. Not sure what for yet.
To be honest, the whole thing was greasy, actually. There were layers of jelly I hadn’t expected and between each of the layers was a sort of… stickiness. Lovely. And I bet that stuff doesn’t only leach inwards.
I’ll be honest. I took these photos for a couple more reasons than just to talk again about how jelly sucks: A) because I find the inner mechanics and workings of sex toys fascinating and hope you will too (not everyone gets to rip vibes apart) and B) because I really wanted to stab the stupid jelly bunny in his stupid jelly face. Ugh.
Serves you right for being so awful. I kept the beads, bunged everything else away and then washed my hands. Twice. Then I made sure to upload my jelly destruction photos of doom to the Crystal Delights RIP Jelly Toy Wall of Shame, because it is a fantastic idea and very worthy. The more manufacturers and bloggers and consumers speaking about this, the better.
Anyway, the Jessica Rabbit is gone now. Dead, destroyed, gone from my toy drawer and banned forever from my vagina. As it should be. The Savanna ‘dong’ still remains though. Any creative destruction methods for that one?
Unlike Mr Bunny here, I’m all ears… ♦