♦ In the last post I told you about the wonderful Erotic Meet trip to Sex Toys UK and how much fun we’d had meeting the staff and eating cupcakes and twanging rabbits. Finally at Luton station, we realised we were on the wrong side of the track (where else would you expect a sex toy warehouse?). Cue over half a dozen people with probably at least a dozen incredibly obvious carrier bags trying to manoeuvre the ticket barriers to the right bit of the station. And boy, those bags were obvious.
Sex Toys Addict, they seemed to say on them and I kind of liked it. But it got us some looks, I’ll give it that. I heard the station attendants talking about us, but sadly all I could make out was “Sex Toy Addict”, which I sort of already knew. I really wanted to know whether they were intrigued or scandalised or perhaps even thought we were some kind of cult.
On the train, it was busy. On the way up we’d been able to sit where we liked, but now we were lucky to actually get seats at all. I found myself standing next to a guy about my age who seemed quite intent on keeping the seat next to him free and was cheeky enough to be talking about the method of doing so right as I stood there. But it was the only seat left.
So now I was sat next to this guy who was still trying gamely to carry on his conversation to his two friends on the other side of the aisle. All three were drinking and it was clear they were off to London for a night out. After a few minutes of awkwardly sitting in the middle of a conversation, the guy to my right introduced himself and shook my hand to “make things a bit less awkward”.
Thus started one of the strangest and finest conversations with strangers I have ever had.
The friends, a girl and a guy, chimed in pointing out how weird he was for having introduced himself to a random person on a train and the conversation continued on, but this time it sort of carried me with it. They weren’t exactly talking to me, but I was nonetheless clearly now a part of the conversation. I was told how it was someone’s birthday and the other one was here only because he’d basically had his ticket paid for, I was encouraged to join in the mocking of the friend’s shirt. I was, at this point told a story about how the guy next to me had once mistakenly and drunkenly thought he had facial herpes because someone had borrowed his razor and left him with a rash.
At this point, the friends cringed. “I can’t believe you just talked to a random stranger about facial herpes” one of them said, despite the fact they’d clearly been encouraging him.
These guys were, quite frankly, kinda cool and I was enjoying being dragged into their banter and the somewhat bizarre nature of it too. And I was feeling brave. Normally I suck at talking to strangers but meeting a ton of new people only hours before and spending the whole afternoon in a sex toys extravaganza had emboldened me.
“I can hardly talk, ” I said. “I’ve just spent the day in a sex toy warehouse.” And I waved my carrier bag in support.
Suddenly I’d piqued their interest and I’d turned from innocent passerby into equally-weird-person. They egged me on to show them what was in the bag and I did so. They were particularly bemused by the I Rub My Fishie.
Well, you would be, wouldn’t you? It’s a bloody bug-eyed fish, fer chrissakes! So I explained the fish somewhat pathetically, not used to strangers, let alone talking sex toys to strangers. I showed them various other bits and pieces and eventually the guy next to me said: “Can I buy this off you?”
I both flabbered and gasted. A man I had never met had just asked to buy a vibrator off me on a train. I was cautious, because I am terrible cynic, but also by this point kinda buzzing with the events of the day and the fun of this slightly surreal experience.
“I’ll give you a fiver for it,” He said.
I considered it. I didn’t know how much it was worth, but I didn’t think it was one I was likely to use and it wasn’t insultingly low or anything. And plus, the main motivation, how fucking awesome was meeting a random person on a train and accidentally selling them a sex toy less than ten minutes later? Pretty fucking awesome.
Soon I had a fiver and he had a shiny new Loving Joy Wonder Touch Egg. I later found out it sells for £9.95, so he got a bargain there, but so did I because I got what I considered to be an awesome experience, a bit of cash and to give a stranger a sex toy he might well turn out to love!
Soon Good Boy Bad Boy had sold the guy a Sex Toys UK t-shirt because it turned out they were on the way to a gig and he was wearing a far-too-thick jumper and needed a t-shirt for the night anyway! His female friend ended up with Jilly‘s cock ring that she had no use for and soon I was asking the guy if I could blog this and giving out my blog address so the girl could put it in her phone.
I have never in my life been able to ask someone “Do you mind if I blog this?” and, if nothing else, that felt fantastic. I was a blogger, dammit, and I had told someone so!
The energy of the sex toy sharing and strange conversation had spread and I could barely believe any of it. It may not sound like much to you now, maybe you had to be there, but I thought it was brilliant and it left me buzzing. Just a surreal and serendipitous experience that really made me smile. I had accidentally sold a stranger a sex toy on a train.
Train guys, I hope you do find this blog entry in the end and I really hope you enjoyed your impulse buys! I hope that journey was as fun for you as I found it and if you’re reading this, please feel free to leave a comment. You were off to get drunk, if I recall, so it seems unlikely (I know I forgot a fair bit of my evening), but I’d love to hear from you. Thanks for a memorable train ride.
Read about the Erotic Meet itself here! ♦